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More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. 5n5A
Health is the wealth for person in any country. Some argue that children in developed countries are becoming obesed and causing critical problem to the country. I agree to this view. This essay will discuss about these obesity in children and its effects. In the world of today, everybody is rushing towards their individual goals and nobody has time in their busy life. The situation is that parent has no time to cook and this forcing the children to eat outside food which is unhealthy and unhygienic. Particularly junk foods. Excessive consumption of calories leads to obesity among children. For example, in 2019 school children accounted for a whopping 46% of the customer share of McDonalds. The increasing obesity in children has led to a rise in cases for heart-related ailments, respiratory diseases and this is an alarming trend. Furthermore, with a decline in outdoor cultural activities and sports, children are bound to stay at home and not indulge in any physical activity. The lack of exercise has largely contributed to obesity among children and is increasing day by day. For Instance, a survey conducted by Australia Bureau of health statistics. 65% of children are preferring to play video games instead of outdoor games. That is surely a very upsetting statistic. This has resulted in rise of generation not only lazy and obese, but aslo lethargic and unhealthy. In a nut-shell, this essay has discussed the causes of rising obesity amongst children of developed countries and also discussed the associated effects of this trend. Indeed unhealthy food habits and lack of physical activites are the main factors contibuting to epidemic called 'obesity'. This further paves to heart and respiratory dieseases and generation lacking vigor.
Health is the wealth for person in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are becoming
Possible spelling mistake found.
obesed
and causing critical problem to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this view. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss these"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about these
obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and its effects.

In the world of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, everybody is rushing towards their individual goals and nobody has time in their busy life. The situation is that parent has no time to cook and this forcing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to eat outside food which is unhealthy and unhygienic.
Particularly
junk foods. Excessive consumption of calories leads to obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, in 2019 school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
accounted for a whopping 46% of the customer share of
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
. The increasing obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has led to a rise in cases for heart-related ailments, respiratory diseases and this is an alarming trend.

Furthermore
, with a decline in outdoor cultural activities and sports,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are bound
to stay at home and not indulge in any physical activity. The lack of exercise has
largely
contributed to obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and is increasing day by day.
For Instance
, a survey conducted by Australia Bureau of health statistics. 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
to play video games
instead
of outdoor games.
That is
surely
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
upsetting statistic. This has resulted in rise of generation not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lazy and obese,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
aslo
lethargic and unhealthy.

In a nut-shell, this essay has discussed the causes of rising obesity
Do not mix variants of the same word ('amongst' and 'among') within a single text.
amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
also
discussed the associated effects of this trend.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Indeed
unhealthy food habits and lack of physical
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
are the main factors
Possible spelling mistake found.
contibuting
to epidemic called 'obesity'. This
further
paves to heart and respiratory
Possible spelling mistake found.
dieseases
and generation lacking vigor.
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IELTS essay More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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