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More And More Young People From Wealthy Countries Are Spending A Short Time In Communities In Poorer Countries Doing Unpaid Work Such As Teaching Or Building House. Why? Who Benefits More From This, The Community Or These Young People?

More And More Young People From Wealthy Countries Are Spending A Short Time In Communities In Poorer Countries Doing Unpaid Work Such As Teaching Or Building House. Why? Who Benefits More From This, The Community Or These Young People? m1XWA
Nowadays, the trend of young volunteers from developed countries move to poorer countries to do voluntary work such teaching or building house become more and more popular. The reasons for this trend are variety and personally, I believe that both the community in poorer countries and young people form wealthy countries receive benefits from this work. On the one hand, I can understand why more and more young people in developed countries are spending their time in poorer countries. Firstly, they believe that they have moral responsibility to help all those who lack the basic necessities of life. Therefore, these need have no geographical boundaries and it is international obligation, which contribute for the development of society. Secondly, in poorer countries as Viet Nam or Lao, the problem they have to face much more serious than in wealthy countries, As a result, the small donation form international charity could have huge effect on poorer communities. For instance, Thank to the help of volunteers from US, Children in my village have the chance to improve English and match. Consequently, they passed university entrance examination and now, become valuable members of society. On the other hand, this trend bring many benefits for both poorer countries and young people form wealthy countries. To begin with, the help of international charity could make community in poor countries could have better life. By voluntary work as building house or teaching them conventional job, the underprivileged could find a stable job, which help them earn enough money to feed their family and improve their living standard a lot. Furthermore, taking part in voluntary activity is golden opportunities for young people gain real experiment, it is a life-challenge and youngsters will return to their home with much more mature and broader outlook on life. Moreover, they could know more about the value of themselves as well as inspire others in order to having a better world.
Nowadays, the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
volunteers from developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to do voluntary work such teaching or building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
become more and more popular. The reasons for this trend are variety and
personally
, I believe that both the community in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
form wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
receive benefits from this work.

On the one hand, I can understand why more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are spending their time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Firstly
, they believe that they have moral responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
all those who lack the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of life.
Therefore
, these need have no geographical boundaries and it is international obligation, which contribute for the development of society.
Secondly
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam or Lao, the problem they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face much more serious than in wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
As a result
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
donation form international charity could have huge effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
communities.
For instance
, Thank to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of volunteers from US, Children in my village have the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
English and match.
Consequently
, they passed university entrance examination and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, become valuable members of society.

On the other hand
,
The verb 'bring' is plural. Did you mean: "this trend brings"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this trend bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
form wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of international charity could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
community in poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could have better life. By voluntary work as building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or teaching them conventional job, the underprivileged could find a stable job, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to feed their family and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living standard a lot.
Furthermore
, taking part in voluntary activity is golden opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain real experiment, it is a life-challenge and youngsters will return to their home with much more mature and broader outlook on life.
Moreover
, they could know more about the value of themselves
as well
as inspire others in order to
Did you mean "have"?
having
a better world.

IELTS essay More And More Young People From Wealthy Countries Are Spending A Short Time In Communities In Poorer Countries Doing Unpaid Work Such As Teaching Or Building House. Why? Who Benefits More From This, The Community Or These Young People?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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