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in city people want to live alone. what are the reason what do you thing is negative or positive in this

in city people want to live alone. what are the reason what do you thing is negative or positive in this 7aPJX
The number of people who prefer to live alone in many urban areas are getting increase recently. The main reason is because they want to be independent as they start a new life in the city. In my point of view, this trend could lead some drawbacks such as loneliness and depression. In current times, many people in the cities such as workers and college students feel more comfortable for living alone because they want to be independent. This could encourages individuals to overcome many problems by themselves so they will become stronger in the future. In Indonesia, for instance, students from rural areas who want to get a higher education have to move to the cities. Many of them prefer living in a single room rather than living in a shared house because they want to learn how to become independent. On the other hand, living alone may cause a loneliness, especially for someone that introvert. They might feel isolated and have no one to talk to. This could lead to a bigger problem such as depression. In the UK, more than 80% people who live alone suffer a loneliness and have higher risk to get a depression. This has become a serious problem that should be tackled by the society. In conclusion, people want to stay alone, mainly because they want to be independent. However, a loneliness could be the negative effect following this trend. So, people who live alone should be kept in touch with other people to avoid feeling lonely.
The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
urban areas are getting increase recently. The main reason is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be independent as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new life in the city. In my point of view, this trend could lead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loneliness
and depression.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the cities such as workers and college students feel more comfortable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be independent. This could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "encourage"
encourages
individuals to overcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems by themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will become stronger in the future. In Indonesia,
for instance
, students from rural areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the cities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a single room
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a shared
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to learn how to become independent.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
may cause a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loneliness
,
especially
for someone that introvert. They might feel isolated and have no one to talk to. This could lead to a bigger problem such as depression. In the UK, more than 80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
suffer a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loneliness
and have higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a depression. This has become a serious problem that should
be tackled
by the society.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
,
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be independent.
However
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loneliness
could be the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect following this trend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in touch with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to avoid feeling lonely.

IELTS essay in city people want to live alone. what are the reason what do you thing is negative or positive in this

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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