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More and more women go out to work. Hence, it is the governments’ responsibility to provide daycare service for the children of working mother, free of charge.

More and more women go out to work. Hence, it is the governments’ responsibility to provide daycare service for the children of working mother, free of charge. WqowW
While some individuals argued that due to gratuitous nursery school from the government for working mothers’ offspring, there is less burden on women so they could concentrate on their job while children are in protection. Nevertheless, if a preschool was established without any tuition, there would be numerous attendances so that some investments could be overlooked and downturns in quality might arise such as facilities, nutrition, and education. Moreover, it is deemed too dangerous that there is no guarantee about compensating for accidents or malpractice which could occur with children. Therefore, the government should assist working mothers with finance and fosters them to give their offspring to prestigious daycare services for comprehensive development.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals argued that due to gratuitous nursery school from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for working mothers’ offspring, there is less burden on women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could concentrate on their job while children are in protection.
Nevertheless
, if a preschool
was established
without any tuition, there would be numerous attendances
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
investments could
be overlooked
and downturns in quality might arise such as facilities, nutrition, and education.
Moreover
, it
is deemed
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
that there is no guarantee about compensating for accidents or malpractice which could occur with children.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should assist working mothers with finance and fosters them to give their offspring to prestigious daycare services for comprehensive development.

IELTS essay More and more women go out to work. Hence, it is the governments’ responsibility to provide daycare service for the children of working mother, free of charge.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
113 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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