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More and more people no longer read newspapers or watch TV programmes to get their news and instead read online. Is this a positive or negative development?

More and more people no longer read newspapers or watch TV programmes to get their news and instead read online. Is this a positive or negative development? 9LQ73
In today era of the world, news plays a vital role in one life. Many people get news through online medium while a small number of people read news either by a newspaper or by watching TV. In my opinion, reading news online is a welcome initiative because of the following reasons discussed below. Firstly, the main benefits of reading news online are cost-effective and efficient. The proliferation of technology helps us to read news online without paying anything which is in contrast with the traditional means of reading news by newspaper where we have to pay for every newspaper. The online reading platform gives us the opportunity to read news anytime which is the opposite in the case of the newspaper where we have to wait until to receive the newspaper. Hence reading news online save our money and time.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
era of the world,
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news
plays a vital role in one life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
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news
through
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online
medium while a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
either by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
or by watching TV. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is a welcome initiative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons discussed below.

Firstly
, the main benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
are cost
-effective and efficient. The proliferation of technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
without paying anything which is
in contrast
with the traditional means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
where we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
platform gives us the opportunity to read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
anytime which is the opposite in the case of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
where we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait until to receive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
save our money and time.
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IELTS essay More and more people no longer read newspapers or watch TV programmes to get their news and instead read online. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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