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More and more people no longer read newspaper or watch TV programmes to get their news and instead read online. Is this a positive or negative development?

More and more people no longer read newspaper or watch TV programmes to get their news and instead read online. Is this a positive or negative development? qVRq5
Technology is mushrooming everyday and internet is expanding in every knock and cornor all around the world. Some argue that, people are using wire less network to read books and watch tv shows instead, use of traditional newspapers. According to me, online sources of getting newspaper is more faster and affordable also help to save the nature. I will discuss both positive and negative impact in the following paragraphs. First of all, nowadays, internet is the most powerful source of getting news within seconds, as people can get worldwide news on their phones. Moreover, wireless network could be use for entertainment purposes. For instance, there are a lot of tv apps are available now on phones, like Netflix, and Amazon Prime. Teenagers could easily watch online television shows and series, anywhere in world on their phones. Additionally, traditional newspaper are made by woods so with online newspaper people will save atmosphere on the Earth. On the other hand, many newspaper companies have to face loss in their businesses, due to online news. Furthermore, health issues may occur by online reading. For example, people will read books and newspaper on their computers and phones although radition from the screens would be harmful for their eye sight. In addition, some parents used private passwords for specific shows in their television but kids can easily watch shows and television series, those contains violence, nudity and abusive content. In conclusion, every coin has two sides, I believe that online source of reading books and watching shows would be better for environment and people can enhance their knowledge as well but for children’s safety, online over eighteen tv shows should be restricted.
Technology is mushrooming
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
and internet is expanding in every knock and
Possible spelling mistake found.
cornor
all around the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using wire less network to read books and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
instead
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
sources of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
is
Use only "faster" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more faster
and affordable
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to save the nature. I will discuss both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact in the following paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, nowadays, internet is the most powerful source of getting news within seconds, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worldwide news on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
Moreover
, wireless network could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for entertainment purposes.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
apps are available
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, like Netflix, and Amazon Prime.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
could
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and series, anywhere in world on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
Additionally
, traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
are made
by woods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will save atmosphere on the Earth.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face loss in their businesses, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
news.
Furthermore
, health issues may occur by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
reading.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will read books and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
on their computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
although
Possible spelling mistake found.
radition
from the screens would be harmful for their
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
private passwords for specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
in their television
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
kids can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and television series,
The verb 'contains' is singular. Did you mean: "This contains" or "those contain"?
those contains
violence, nudity and abusive content.

In conclusion
, every coin has two sides, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
source of reading books and watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
would be better for environment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enhance their knowledge
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for children’s safety,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
over eighteen
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
should
be restricted
.
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IELTS essay More and more people no longer read newspaper or watch TV programmes to get their news and instead read online. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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