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More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computer and tablets as they think that children should learn Technology skill do advantages of this development overweigh the disadvantages?

More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computer and tablets as they think that children should learn Technology skill do advantages of this development overweigh the disadvantages? 7O65
Due to advancement of Technology majority of individuals are giving permission to their offspring to spend their most of time on electronic gadgets such as computer and tablets they think it is a best method to learn the technology skill which is must provide to children's there are married to use the computer and laptops which is overweight the demerits and I will explicate my point of view in upcoming paragraphs to begin with their advantages for this is children can become creative when the get knowledge about the computer in other words electronic gadgets have plenty of feature which are totally relied on the mental ability such as MS Word wordpad and Notepad and business tools which is only used by creativity so due to this children can become a sharp minded and they can easily understand the method of particular feature moving towards spending quality time on Technology skills by tablets is the main source of victory to explain it due to competition error every profession is depend upon the computer in spite of the written word so when children use the gadgets then they can easily obtain the job opportunity by collecting the information about the distinct type of field hence going to this they not only get knowledge about the education but also they can become successful person in their future on the other side there are some disadvantages of using the computer and tablets the predominant one is children have to tackle with health issues when they always busy to get the knowledge about the technology because every children have no sharp mind I'm it depend on the kids from when their do parents are lying to use the computer then they want to learn this skill but unfortunately due to lack of understanding the depressed as well as they not only take stress but also they have to face eyesight problems to conclude all the due to advancement of Technology computer and tablets are provide the cost of knowledge which make them creative parents can not overlook the demerits of using electronic gadgets which is becoming major concern.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
majority of individuals are giving permission to their offspring to spend their
Consider using "most time" or "most of the time".
most of time
on electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
such as computer and tablets they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best method to learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide to children's there
are married
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the computer and laptops which is overweight the demerits and I will explicate my point of view in upcoming paragraphs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with their advantages for this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can become creative when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about the computer
in other words
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
have
Possible agreement error. The noun feature seems to be countable; consider using: "plenty of features".
plenty of feature
which are
totally
relied on the mental ability such as MS Word
Possible spelling mistake found.
wordpad
and Notepad and business tools which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by creativity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can become a sharp
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
minded and
they can
easily
understand the method of particular feature moving towards spending quality time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by tablets is the main source of victory to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to competition error every profession is
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
upon the computer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the written word
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
then they can
easily
obtain the job opportunity by collecting the information about the distinct type of field
hence
going to this they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about the education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can become successful person in their future on the other side there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of using the computer and tablets the predominant one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
tackle with health issues when they always busy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
have no sharp mind I'm it depend on the kids from when their do parents are lying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the computer then they want to learn this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to lack of understanding the depressed
as well
as they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face eyesight problems
to conclude
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
computer and tablets are
Consider using a past participle here: "provided".
provide
the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them creative parents can not overlook the demerits of using electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
which is becoming major concern.

IELTS essay More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computer and tablets as they think that children should learn Technology skill do advantages of this development overweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
354 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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