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More and more families have computers in their homes , and children spend a great deal of their time on home computers.To what extent do you agree or disagree that computerscontribute to a child’s education. Give your opinion.

More and more families have computers in their homes, and children spend a great deal of their time on home computers. that computerscontribute to a child’s education. Give your opinion. jokKM
Increasingly many families have computers at home, yet children spending a large amount of time on using it. I completely agree with this point of view, but I also believed it also enhance children knowledge and cognitive development. In-spite of its advantages contributing to education I also believed it should be monitor by parents. To begin with, home computers have helped children in many ways contributing to a child’s education. Firstly, by having computers at home, children are able to do school project by making notes on it and also doing research on the topic given by school using internet. Moreover, children will not pester their parents to take them to library or buy expensive books related to perform their school task. For instance, if school project is about space, children can research on their computers and can complete their task in their comfort of their own home by not giving trouble to parents. Therefore, home computers benefit children in education by giving less burden to parents. Furthermore, computers at home improve child’s knowledge which also contribute towards education. As children are spending a lot of time on computers due to easily availability of computers at home they are able to gain knowledge through games like Minecraft, which also help them to develop mental astute which contribute to cognitive development necessary for child’s education. However, I also believed that parents should keep an eye for their computers activity as it’s easy for children to explicit videos or images which are inappropriate for them. Hence, under supervision of parents home computers are beneficial to children if they are also spending a lot of time on it. In conclusion, I totally agree that home computers are helpful to children in their education and also spending a large amount of time on it enhance their knowledge and instil cognitive development contributing to children education but should be under supervision of parent. I highly recommend whatever children do on computers it should be monitor by parents.
Increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families have computers at home,
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on using it. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
believed it
also
Did you mean "enhances"?
enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and cognitive development. In-spite of its advantages contributing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
I
also
believed it should be
Did you mean "monitored"?
monitor
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, home computers have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways contributing to a child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Firstly
, by having computers at home,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
project by making notes on it and
also
doing research on the topic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
using internet.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not pester their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to take them to library or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
expensive books related to perform their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
task.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
project is about space,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can research on their computers and can complete their task in their comfort of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home by not giving trouble to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Therefore
, home computers benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
by giving less burden to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Furthermore
, computers at home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
which
also
contribute towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computers due to
easily
availability of computers at home they are able to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
through games like Minecraft, which
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to develop mental astute which contribute to cognitive development necessary for child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
However
, I
also
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye for their computers activity as it’s easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to explicit videos or images which are inappropriate for them.
Hence
, under supervision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
home computers are beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if they are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on it.
In conclusion
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that home computers are helpful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on it enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
cognitive development contributing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should be under supervision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
. I
highly
recommend whatever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do on computers it should be
Did you mean "monitored"?
monitor
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
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IELTS essay More and more families have computers in their homes, and children spend a great deal of their time on home computers. that computerscontribute to a child’s education. Give your opinion.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
332 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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