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children in many countries are allowed to work, some people say that it is correct, while others say that it is incorrect. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

children in many countries are allowed to work, some people say that it is correct, while others say that it is incorrect. Discuss both views and give your own opinion Pgm7E
Child labour is accepted in tremendous number of states. A certain number of individuals claim that it is thoroughly illegal, while other parties assume it as an effective job career for young generation to be more responsible. To start with, there is an immense amount of data, which should be considered before conveying own point of view. First of all, it is precious notion to help parents to earn money, but it depends on a situation, if a family is dual- income, merely the education needs to be stressed on. Namely, when a breadwinner of the family exists, parents have to pay attention to their children's education to build a solid foundation for future or engage them in beneficial activities like swimming or playing football in order to make them healthier. Secondly, working and earning a living make person stressful and exhausted. Children, while they are observing and learning variety of patterns of behaviour, they may lose their own way of behaving and follow incorrect one. For example, disrespecting older ones and growing in number delinquency can be obvious consequences of bad behaviour. On the other hand, there are some merits of child labour. The first advantage is life skills, which can be gained from work. One of them is managing finance, it would be wonderful if a child could govern money wisely from early ages. It will help him or her to keep life balance, or to spend finances on education purposes. The child labour can be allowed merely under right employment conditions like part time job or casual work. They must not miss their lessons at school, also there should be ample time for doing homework as well as for sleeping. It helps kids to avoid depression and feeling blue during the day. To infer, I partially agree with aforementioned statement. To my way of thinking, children need to be controlled everywhere, because parents are the first builders of their kids' future. Although child labour has some drawbacks, young ones need to obtain some experience and preparation for work as an adult.
Child
labour
is
accepted
in tremendous number of states. A certain number of individuals claim that it is
thoroughly
illegal, while other parties assume it as an effective job career for young generation to be more responsible. To
start
with, there is an immense amount of data, which should
be considered
before
conveying
own
point of view.
First of all
, it is precious notion to
help
parents to earn money,
but
it depends on a situation, if a family is dual- income,
merely
the education needs to be
stressed
on.
Namely
, when a breadwinner of the family exists, parents
have to
pay attention to their children's education to build a solid foundation for future or engage them in beneficial activities like swimming or playing football in order to
make
them healthier.
Secondly
, working and earning a living
make
person stressful and exhausted. Children, while they are observing and learning variety of patterns of
behaviour
, they may lose their
own
way of behaving and follow incorrect one.
For example
, disrespecting older
ones
and growing in number delinquency can be obvious consequences of
bad
behaviour
.
On the other hand
, there are
some
merits of
child
labour
. The
first
advantage is life
skills
, which can
be gained
from work. One of them is managing finance, it would be wonderful if a
child
could govern money
wisely
from early ages. It will
help
him or her to
keep
life balance, or to spend finances on education purposes. The
child
labour
can be
allowed
merely
under right employment conditions like
part time
job or casual work. They
must
not miss their lessons at school,
also
there should be ample time for doing homework
as well
as for sleeping. It
helps
kids to avoid depression and feeling blue during the day. To infer, I
partially
agree
with aforementioned statement. To my way of thinking, children need to
be controlled
everywhere,
because
parents are the
first
builders of their kids' future. Although
child
labour
has
some
drawbacks, young
ones
need to obtain
some
experience and preparation for work as an adult.
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IELTS essay children in many countries are allowed to work, some people say that it is correct, while others say that it is incorrect. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
344 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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