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Money should be spent on promoting healthy lifestyle rather than in treatment of the people. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Money should be spent on promoting healthy lifestyle rather than in treatment of the people. 3aOKm
It is believed by a certain populace that instead of spending money on the treatment of the people who are ill, funds should be allocated to promote a healthy lifestyle. I completely agree with this view, and this essay will discuss the benefits of the same. To begin with, spending funds on health care helps the country to protect its people from viruses or plagues. From advanced equipment to experienced doctors are required to cure people. This can only be possible if proper funds are allocated for health care. For example, India was able to defeat the life-threatening diseases Polio by allocating funds so that every newborn baby in the country gets vaccine free of cost. If funds were not allocated at that time, 60% of people might have died because of Polio. Having said that, I agree with those who believe that more money should be allocated for the promotion of a healthy lifestyle as most of that diseases that are common among the current generation are because of a sedentary lifestyle. This is because diseases such as diabetes, obesity, and cardiovascular diseases are more common in the younger generation, whereas the virus such as Polio may spread occasionally. This can be exemplified by 60% of children in the USA, who are suffering from obesity because of bad eating habits. Therefore, motivating them to avoid junk-food will be beneficial. In conclusion, although people may vary in their opinion, I believe that a healthy lifestyle should be promoted to fight against more prevalent diseases these days.
It
is believed
by a certain populace that
instead
of spending money on the treatment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are ill, funds should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allocated
to promote a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view, and this essay will discuss the benefits of the same.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, spending funds on health care
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the country to protect its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from viruses or plagues. From advanced equipment to experienced doctors
are required
to cure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be possible if proper funds are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allocated
for health care.
For example
, India was able to defeat the life-threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
Polio by allocating funds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that every newborn baby in the country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
vaccine free of cost. If funds were not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allocated
at that time, 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of Polio.

Having said that, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who believe that more money should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allocated
for the promotion of a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
as most of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that are common among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as diabetes, obesity, and cardiovascular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are more common in the younger generation, whereas the virus such as Polio may spread
occasionally
. This can
be exemplified
by 60% of children in the USA, who are suffering from obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating habits.
Therefore
, motivating them to avoid junk-food will be beneficial.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinion, I believe that a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
should
be promoted
to fight against more prevalent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
these days.
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IELTS essay Money should be spent on promoting healthy lifestyle rather than in treatment of the people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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