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Money or job satisfaction

Money or job satisfaction VEmOO
It is critical to be pleased by job but as adult we understand it’s not enough to survive in our cruel expensive world. Talking about business I reckon we need to put the big salary on the first place. Firstly, money make us totally free and satisfied. It means that people may immediately afford material things they really want or like, such as new cloth, car or jewelry for example. Also, big earnings gives a perfect chance to travel to any picturesque isles, countries, oceans and resorts for amazing vacation. In my opinion it may absolutely cover hard-working days that we spend in offices or somewhere else doing the business without adoring. In addition, I can’t realize how to protect our health and always stay in fit without expensive healthy food. Secondly, big pay makes community much more self-confident and tranquil for near future. For instance, there is no need to take a mortgage, cancel a number of things due to the fact they are too expensive and delay the own life. By the way, it is good idea to put monthly a salary part into bank to provide offspring with a post secondary education as my aunt have already done. Money is not only the vainglory and greed as we used to think on the contrary also the superb tool to take care about close people we really love. Consequently, big salary has a number of advantages comparing to task satisfaction. Money also motivates people and satisfy them and that’s why I put it on the first place in my working life.
It is critical to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
by job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as adult we understand it’s not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to survive in our cruel expensive world. Talking about business I reckon we need to put the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
salary on the
first
place.

Firstly
, money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us
totally
free and satisfied. It means that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may immediately afford material things they
really
want or like, such as new cloth, car or jewelry
for example
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
earnings gives a perfect chance to travel to any picturesque isles, countries, oceans and resorts for amazing vacation. In my opinion it may
absolutely
cover
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working days that we spend in offices or somewhere else doing the business without adoring.
In addition
, I can’t realize how to protect our health and always stay in fit without expensive healthy food.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
pay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
community much more self-confident and tranquil for near future.
For instance
, there is no need to take a mortgage, cancel a number of things due to the fact they are too expensive and delay the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life. By the way, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to put monthly a salary part into bank to provide offspring with a post secondary education as my aunt have already done. Money is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the vainglory and greed as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
on the contrary
also
the superb tool to take care about close
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
we
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.

Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
salary has a number of advantages comparing to task satisfaction. Money
also
motivates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and satisfy them and that’s why I put it on the
first
place in my working life.
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IELTS essay Money or job satisfaction

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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