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money is spent on the art excessively by the state

money is spent on the art excessively by the state AwMWn
It is argued that money is spent on the art excessively by the state. They believed that there are several effective ways to consume money. I do not agree with this argument The first objective is that individuals who have a passion for art could enjoy art masterpieces. Art is defined as entertainment that we can add to our daily lives with a wide variety of colors. Without the importance of art such as music, drawing, or dancing, a considerable number of people would be bored and tired of their heavy workloads, which means they might not find something amusing to relax in their spare time or after their working days. A splendid example would be that many schools in Vietnam sometimes organizes some musical shows for the young to participate in, helping students and teachers connects and build a strong relationship The second example would be that it is a wonderful opportunity to develop each art talents. Every people have their own ambitions. If the money could be used for arts, they could broaden their horizons, enhance their abilities, and contribute to the art of their countries. A 14-year-old, for example, won an American got talents show because she made a picturesque product, which made an impression on judges and audiences
It
is argued
that money
is spent
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
excessively
by the state. They believed that there are several effective ways to consume money. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
argument


The
first
objective is that individuals who have a passion for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
could enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
masterpieces.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is defined
as entertainment that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with a wide variety of colors. Without the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
such as music, drawing, or dancing, a considerable number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
be bored
and tired of their heavy workloads, which means they might not find something amusing to relax in their spare time or after their working days. A splendid example would be that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools in Vietnam
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
organizes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
musical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
for the young to participate in, helping students and teachers connects and build a strong
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
relationship


The second example would be that it is a wonderful opportunity to develop each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
talents.
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular. Did you mean "all"?
Every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ambitions. If the money could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, they could broaden their horizons, enhance their abilities, and contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
of their countries. A 14-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
for example
, won an American
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
talents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she made a picturesque product, which made an impression on judges and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
audiences
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IELTS essay money is spent on the art excessively by the state

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
211 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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