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Watching TV brings negative effect on children. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Watching TV brings negative effect on children. XqNNq
Nowadays, in 4. 0 era, the smart gadgets are developing rapidly. One of them is television that is innovated more modernly than in the past. Children spend a lot of time on watching TV. That will bring some negative effects on the youths, won’t that? From my point of view, I wholly disagree with statement. These paragraphs below, I will analyze some reasons why I dissatisfied with statement. In the during COVID-19 pandemic, almost kids cannot go to school as the time before. Hence, they are forced to learn through the online platforms such as Zoom, MS Teams and television respectively. The highlighted point, TV provided huge knowledges for many infants. For instance, the children can improve English skills through listening some native-speaker or nonnative-speaker conservations or adorable songs for kid. That is so fascinating! Moreover they can be entertained after hard-studying time. For example, I do love watching practical programs such as running man for entertainment. On the contrary, spending almost time on watching TV has some disadvantages for kids. Owing to the COVID-19 pandemic, the youths have to learn online all day. After that they also watching TV so much that badly affected on children’s health or damaged to their eyes. Instead of playing with my friend to improve their health and sociability, some infants want to watch some favorite program hour by hour to the sleepy time. Furthermore, they don’t do homework that make them have bad grade in next exams. Watching TV wastes a numerous of time of kids when children are able to study more soft skills or do more chores help their parents. What is an obedient children. In a nutshell, watching TV not only has some good points but also bad point. Because children should balance about watching TV among learning or doing outdoor activities. Kids also should join some clubs or social activities for enhancing their communication or confidence in front of crowd. That is some essential skill for the kids.
Nowadays, in 4. 0
Possible agreement error. The noun 'era' seems to be countable, so consider using: "eras".
era
, the smart gadgets are developing
rapidly
. One of them is television that
is innovated
more
modernly
than in the past.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on watching TV. That will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the youths, won’t that? From my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view, I wholly disagree with statement. These paragraphs below, I will analyze
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why I dissatisfied with statement.

In the during COVID-19 pandemic, almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
cannot go to school as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Hence
, they
are forced
to learn through the online platforms such as Zoom, MS Teams and television
respectively
. The highlighted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
, TV provided huge
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
infants.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through listening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
native-speaker or nonnative-speaker
Possible spelling mistake found.
conservations
or adorable songs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
fascinating!
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
they can
be entertained
after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
watching practical programs such as running
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
for entertainment.

On the contrary
, spending almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on watching TV has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. Owing to the COVID-19 pandemic, the youths
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn online all day. After that they
also
watching TV
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much that
badly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health or damaged to their eyes.
Instead
of playing with my friend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health and sociability,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
infants want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
favorite program hour by hour to the sleepy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Furthermore
, they don’t do homework that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
grade in
next
exams. Watching TV wastes
The phrase 'a numerous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a numerous of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to study more soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or do more chores
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their parents. What is an obedient
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "child"?
children
.

In a nutshell, watching TV not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should balance about watching TV among learning or doing outdoor activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
also
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
clubs or social activities for enhancing their communication or confidence in front of crowd.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
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IELTS essay Watching TV brings negative effect on children.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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