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Modern music is an incredible popular all over the world.

Modern music is an incredible popular all over the world. YLLEr

Some examples show that a person must make personal choices their whole life. Some of these choices would be critical and might be influenced by their family. On the other hand, others barely accept those factors. They say society's roles and norms barely affected their culture. Both these approaches will be discussed in this essay. This section above I would give a 4 or 5 out of 9. The most obvious fact is that there is a huge social influence on the development of personal characteristics. Personality would develop with that person's family members behaviour and attitude and following society rules and norms. One of the well known factors is religion. It has a huge influence controlling and manipulating people's thoughts and actions. Religious people have to follow all the rules of their religion. For example, Muslim people don't drink alcohol, because having alcohol is a huge sin for them. Undeniably, this factor becomes a part of their lifestyle and subconsciously helps build up their personality. Another golden rule supporting this position is showing respect towards their parents and other older family members. This has to be followed for every person in their family. This section above I would give a 6 out of 10. However, the other position says that every family member has different attitudes, even if they are siblings. Actually, this is the truth and there are many examples of this. For instance, every sibling might have an extremely different lifestyle and give different responses to the same issues/events. Another essential factor is that education affects the person's characteristics by influencing them with facts that rely on science. The gap between educated and ignorant people is indisputable. Most people who have higher education are willing to contribute to their society voluntarily due to their high level of awareness. After a while, it becomes a necessity in their personal life. This section above was well written and I would give a 7 out of 10.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
Some
 examples This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :demonstrateportrayindicatedisplay
show
 that a person This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :require
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :createconstructmanufactureproduce
make
 personal choices their whole life. This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
Some
 of these choices would be critical and might be influenced
 by their You use this word too often, consider replacing it withclantribegrouppeoplehousehousehold
family
. On the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withnewalternativemore
other
 hand, others barely
 accept those You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcircumstanceinfluencepointcomponentelementthing
factors
. They say society's roles and norms barely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :impacted
affected
 their culture. Both these approaches will be discussed
 in this essay.

This section above I would You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsellaccordgrantprovidedeliverhand over
give
 a 4 or 5 out of 9.

The most obvious fact is that there is a huge social influence on the development of personal characteristics. Personality would develop with that person's You use this word too often, consider replacing it withclantribegrouppeoplehousehousehold
family
 members Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.behavior
behaviour
 and attitude and following society This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :requirements
rules
 and norms. One of the well known You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcircumstanceinfluencepointcomponentelementthing
factors
 is religion. It has a huge influence controlling and manipulating This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
's thoughts and actions. Religious You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcrowdfamilycommunitynationsocietypublic
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:ought to
have to
 follow all the This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :requirements
rules
 of their religion. For example
, Muslim You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcrowdfamilycommunitynationsocietypublic
people
 don't drink alcohol, This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:due to the factin light of the fact thatowing to the fact that
because
 having alcohol is a huge sin for them. Undeniably
, this You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcircumstanceinfluencepointcomponentelementthing
factor
 becomes a part of their lifestyle and subconsciously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :assists
helps
 build up their personality. Another golden This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :requirement
rule
 supporting this position is showing respect towards their parents and You use this word too often, consider replacing it withnewalternativemore
other
 older You use this word too often, consider replacing it withclantribegrouppeoplehousehousehold
family
 members. This This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:oughts to
has to
be followed
 for every person in their family.

This section above I would You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsellaccordgrantprovidedeliverhand over
give
 a 6 out of 10.

However
, the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withnewalternativemore
other
 position says that every You use this word too often, consider replacing it withclantribegrouppeoplehousehousehold
family
 member has This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:various
different
 attitudes, even if they are siblings. Actually, this is the truth and there are This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
many
 examples of this. For instance
, every sibling might have an extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:various
different
 lifestyle and You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsellaccordgrantprovidedeliverhand over
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:various
different
 responses to the same issues/This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :occasionshappenings
events
. Another essential You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcircumstanceinfluencepointcomponentelementthing
factor
 is that education affects the person's characteristics by influencing them with facts that rely on science. The gap between educated and ignorant You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcrowdfamilycommunitynationsocietypublic
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.amarearen
is
 indisputable. Most You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcrowdfamilycommunitynationsocietypublic
people
 who have higher education are willing to contribute to their society voluntarily
 due to their high level of awareness. After a while, it becomes a necessity in their personal life.

This section above was well written and I would You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsellaccordgrantprovidedeliverhand over
give
 a 7 out of 10. 