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Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? KwoAM
Nowadays, children are getting diagnosed with diseases which used to happen to adults and the majority of them are suffering from obesity. The major causes of this health problem is bad diet and unhealthy lifestyle. The solutions which can help are balanced diet and playing more sports. There are two main problems causing obesity. Firstly, nowadays children loves eating junk food and they prefer to have it on daily basis which creates deficiency of nutrients and storage of fat in their body. Additionally, modern children are living sedentary lifestyle, as they spend most of their time playing games on mobile phones which results in little movement. In a recent survey by India health administration shows that 80% of the children who play sports only 1 hour a week, suffers with health issues such as obesity and cardiovascular disease. Due to these routines, children are getting affected and suffering with various health problems. The solutions to avoid these diseases are eating healthy food and including more sports in daily routine. Eating balanced diet will help in enriching the body and providing the necessary nutrients. Also, playing sports daily will help in getting active which can lead to burning fat in the body. It is proven that a child with healthy diet and regular physical movement is less prone to health issues. By implying these changes, the issue of obesity can be tackled among children. Obesity is becoming popular among modern children which earlier used to affect only adults. The main problems which gives rise to this disease are eating unhealthy food and living inactive lifestyle. These problems can be resolved by including healthy food and playing sports regularly.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are getting diagnosed with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to happen to adults and the majority of them are suffering from obesity. The major causes of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
diet and unhealthy lifestyle. The solutions which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
are balanced
diet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
more sports.

There are two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
causing obesity.
Firstly
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
junk
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
food and
they prefer to have it on daily basis which creates deficiency of nutrients and storage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
in their body.
Additionally
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are living sedentary lifestyle, as they spend most of their time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
games on mobile phones which results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
movement. In a recent survey by India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
administration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 80% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1 hour a week, suffers with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues such as obesity and cardiovascular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
. Due to these routines,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
and suffering with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.

The solutions to avoid these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and including more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in daily routine.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Eating
balanced diet will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in enriching the body and providing the necessary nutrients.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
daily will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in getting active which can lead to burning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
in the body. It
is proven
that a child with healthy diet and regular physical movement is less prone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues. By implying these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, the issue of obesity can
be tackled
among children.

Obesity is becoming popular among modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which earlier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
adults. The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which gives rise to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and living inactive lifestyle. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can
be resolved
by including healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
regularly
.
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IELTS essay Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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