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Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than about famous people in the history of their country Why is this What can be done to increase young people s interest in famous people in the history of their country

Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than about famous people in the history of their country Why is this What can be done to increase young people s interest in famous people in the history of their country E0JQ
It has become common that international musicians and actors are embraced by the young generation, and the knowledge about local historical people is abandoned by them. the intensive focus of media on renowned celebrities is the main cause of this change, and to alter this affection of youngsters, schools can play a vital role. To begin with, the influence of media is the major reason for the fascination for stars among young people. This is because the Media telecast news about famous stars to increase the number of viewers as they are followed by the youth. So, this over-emphasis boosts the fan following and attracts more people from this age group. This results in decreased curiosity towards getting information about native important people from the past. For example, A survey conducted in India in 2019 revealed that the TRP of news channels increased by 30% whenever information related to actors and actresses is telecasted. Besides, making historic personalities part of the school curriculum can be a solution to this problem. Because adding this type of information in subjects will force students to gain knowledge to perform better in their academics. Not only this, but this information should also be provided through documentaries or movies so that it will get the attention of students. For instance, movies made on the life stories of freedom fighters in India make people of all ages aware of these important martyrs. To conclude, The ignorance of important people from the past, and acceptance of real-life heroes are the consequence of the emphasis on media, and teaching about real-life heroes from the past in schools would attract young people.
It has become common that international musicians and actors
are embraced
by the young generation, and the knowledge about local historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
abandoned by them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
intensive focus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
on renowned celebrities is the main cause of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, and to alter this affection of youngsters, schools can play a vital role.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is the major reason for the fascination for stars among young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
telecast news about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
stars to increase the number of viewers as they
are followed
by the youth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this over-emphasis boosts the fan following and attracts more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from this age group. This results in decreased curiosity towards getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about native
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the past.
For example
, A survey conducted in India in 2019 revealed that the TRP of news channels increased by 30% whenever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
related to actors and actresses is
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
.

Besides
, making historic personalities part of the school curriculum can be a solution to this problem.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
adding this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in subjects will force students to gain knowledge to perform better in their academics. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should
also
be provided
through documentaries or movies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the attention of students.
For instance
, movies made on the life stories of freedom fighters in India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages aware of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
martyrs.

To conclude
, The ignorance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the past, and acceptance of real-life heroes are the consequence of the emphasis on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, and teaching about real-life heroes from the past in schools would attract young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than about famous people in the history of their country Why is this What can be done to increase young people s interest in famous people in the history of their country

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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