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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples form your own experience or knowledge.

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? JAWa
Nowadays, people are busy working to earn more money for a better lifestyle. After worked the whole day people get tired, they feel need more rest instead of doing exercise. Therefore, many working people get little or no exercise either during working day or in their free time. Many working people not get enough exercise due to they are busy working and they also need to work after working hours. Some of the working people may need to travel to other state or other countries for work. Besides that, currently, both husband and wife need to go to work, they need to take care of their children or do housework after worked. During weekends, they spend their leisure time with their family members and children, they rather go to shopping mall of playground. Some of the parents, they even need to send their children to tuition centre. Therefore, they do not have much time to do exercise. Furthermore, working people they tend to gather with their friends. For example, they would like to have tea time sitting down enjoy their foods and chit chat with their friends. Moreover, working people would like to scroll their Facebook page, Instagram or watch Youtube movies and short video clips instead of exercise. They feel like to sit down or lay down on the sofa to relax instead of exercise because after exercise they felt more tired and body muscles pain. Although working people tend to spend their time doing other activities, they should spend around one hour per day to do exercise, such as stretching, walking to make their body sweat and blood circulation will better compare to people who do not do any exercise at all. Working parents can do exercise with their children by bring along their children to swim, go hiking or camping with them. These improve their relationship with children and increase interaction with their children. People who like to scroll Facebook and Instagram or Youtube, they can search some exercise clips, follow the clips to start exercise. Nowadays, many various types of exercise or zumba clips uploaded in Youtube channel, people can search and get it easily. In conclusion, exercise is good for our health. People can avoid obesity problem and the chances on getting heart attack are low. Some people relief from leg pain or shoulder pain when they have correct movement or exercise to avoid their muscle become stiff.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
to earn more money for a better lifestyle. After worked the whole day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired, they feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
more rest
instead
of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
either during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
day or in their free time.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
due to they are busy
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
they
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to work after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to travel to other state or other countries for work.
Besides
that,
currently
, both husband and wife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to go to work, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or do housework after worked. During weekends, they spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family members and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they
rather
go to shopping mall of playground.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
parents, they even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to tuition
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.
Therefore
, they do not have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they tend to gather with their friends.
For example
, they would like to have tea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
sitting down enjoy their foods and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
chit chat
with their friends.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like to scroll their Facebook page, Instagram or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
movies and short video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clips
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. They feel like to sit down or lay down on the sofa to relax
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
they felt more tired and body muscles pain.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing other activities, they should spend around one hour per day to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, such as stretching, walking to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their body sweat and blood circulation will better compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
at all.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
parents can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by bring along their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to swim, go hiking or camping with them. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and increase interaction with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who like to scroll Facebook and Instagram or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
, they can search
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clips
, follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clips
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
zumba
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clips
uploaded in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
channel,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can search and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it
easily
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can avoid obesity problem and the chances on getting heart attack are low.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relief from leg pain or shoulder pain when they have correct movement or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
to avoid their muscle become stiff.
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IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
403 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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