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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? 1MOq
Working-class people are more likely to suffer from health issues because they do not work out enough. This is mainly because they do not have enough time during their weekdays and they feel tired to work on weekends. In addition to this, they spend a lot of their spare time watching television, browsing the internet or playing video games. However, there are some solutions to curb this problem. The reason why working individuals do not do enough exercise is that they have a paucity of time. That is to say that they have to work hard for long hours to gain competitive advantages over their competitors. For example, a recent study has come out with the findings that working adults spend more than 48 hours a week at their jobs where they need to shoulder several job responsibilities, making them utterly exhausted. Consequently, once working adults get back home, they just like to relax with TV programes, chatting one the phone or playing video games, rather than engaging in any kind of physical activity. To combat the problem effectively, the government should wage an aggressive campaign to stimulate working people to take part in physical exercise. Offices should encourage employees to do some sort of exercise during office hours as well. While the campaigns will enable them to gain some sound knowledge about the health benefits of having a regular workout, having offices with exercise facilities would encourage them further to take part in some exercises. To conclude, it clear that working individuals do not engage in exercises due to the modern work pressure; however this issue can be solved if the government mounts campaigns to motivate working adults to take part in physical exercise and offices take initiatives to encourage and facilitates their employees to do some sort of regular physical exercises
Working-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more likely to suffer from health issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time during their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
weekdays and
they feel tired to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on weekends.
In addition
to this, they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their spare time watching television, browsing the internet or playing video games.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to curb this problem.

The reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
individuals do not do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is that they have a paucity of time.
That is
to say that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for long hours to gain competitive advantages over their competitors.
For example
, a recent study has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out with the findings that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
adults spend more than 48 hours a week at their jobs where they need to shoulder several job responsibilities, making them
utterly
exhausted.
Consequently
, once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back home, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like to relax with TV
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "programs", the plural form of the noun 'program'?
programes
, chatting one the phone or playing video games,
rather
than engaging in any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity.

To combat the problem
effectively
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should wage an aggressive campaign to stimulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Offices
should encourage employees to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
hours
as well
. While the campaigns will enable them to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sound knowledge about the health benefits of having a regular workout, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
facilities would encourage them
further
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises.

To conclude
, it
Did you mean "clears"?
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
individuals do not engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
due to the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure;
however
this issue can
be solved
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
mounts campaigns to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
adults to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
take initiatives to encourage and facilitates their employees to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
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IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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