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Many students think that happiness relies upon the individuals, while other think is affected by other factors. Discus both view

Many students think that happiness relies upon the individuals, while other think is affected by other factors. Discus both view pbEQ9
There is an argument between those who claim that happiness is a private matter and everyone is responsible for their happiness and those who believe that it associate with external parameters like societal structure or political condition. While I concede the former idea, it seems to me that the second idea is more sensible and has a great influence on our happiness. There are vast majority of student who declare that delightfulness is a personal issue and everyone should do his best to find a way to satisfy himself. Thus, they mention the superiority of mind power to physical world and in order to reach an inner peace and calm, people should follow their innate and be self –motivated. No one can prohibit them to achieve a long-life dream except themselves and by understand their passion and desire; they can reach high level of satisfaction. To make the matter clear, Existentialism addresses this theory and strongly acclaim that human kind are responsible for his actions and live conditions, therefore, happiness depend on way of thinking towards the universe. As an example if someone could not feel happiness and peacefulness in poor area, it would relate to his mind perspective and by some thought alteration, he finally attract positive feeling. Therefore, this school of thought considers the ability of people to adjust themselves to the external world. On the other hand, some students correlate happiness with social and political conditions and it is not separable from those factors. Social instability, financial problem and lack of adequate education are the main factors that explicitly influence the personal attitude. As an example, someone who brings in a deprived family with poor socio-economic background and at the same time, there is no governmental support for those families like social welfare; obviously, happiness is meaningless word for them. Furthermore, according to some researches, there is an apparent interrelationship between the political atmosphere of a country and degree of delightfulness in society. When people do not feel living in an inclusive society and their personal freedom is not respected, falling in anxiety and depression is an inevitable repercussion. All in all, external factors play a prominence role in sense of satisfaction (: joyfulness or gladness). In conclusion, although there were convincing reasons that inclined us to figure out the close link between mind power and happiness, it was mentioned that external factors are a great deal lager influential.
There is an argument between those
who
claim that
happiness
is a private matter and everyone is responsible for their
happiness
and those
who
believe that it associate with
external
parameters like societal structure or political condition. While I concede the former
idea
, it seems to me that the second
idea
is more sensible and has a great influence on our happiness.

There are
vast majority of
student
who
declare that
delightfulness
is a personal issue and everyone should do his best to find a way to satisfy himself.
Thus
, they mention the superiority of mind power to physical world and in order to reach an inner peace and calm,
people
should follow their innate and be
self –motivated
. No one can prohibit them to achieve a long-life dream except themselves and by understand their passion and desire; they can reach high level of satisfaction. To
make
the matter
clear
, Existentialism addresses this theory and
strongly
acclaim that human kind are responsible for his actions and
live
conditions,
therefore
,
happiness
depend on way of thinking towards the universe. As an example if someone could not feel
happiness
and peacefulness in poor area, it would relate to his mind perspective and by
some
thought
alteration, he
finally
attract
positive
feeling.
Therefore
, this school of
thought
considers the ability of
people
to adjust themselves to the
external
world.

On the other hand
,
some
students correlate
happiness
with social and political conditions and it is not separable from those
factors
. Social instability, financial problem and lack of adequate education are the main
factors
that
explicitly
influence the personal attitude. As an example, someone
who
brings in a deprived family with poor
socio-economic
background and at the same time, there is no governmental support for those families like social welfare;
obviously
,
happiness
is meaningless word for them.
Furthermore
, according to
some
researches, there is an apparent interrelationship between the political atmosphere of a country and degree of
delightfulness
in society. When
people
do not feel living in an inclusive society and their personal freedom is not respected, falling in anxiety and depression is an inevitable repercussion. All in all,
external
factors
play a prominence role in sense of satisfaction (: joyfulness or gladness).

In conclusion
, although there were convincing reasons that inclined us to figure out the close link between mind power and
happiness
, it
was mentioned
that
external
factors
are a great deal lager influential.
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IELTS essay Many students think that happiness relies upon the individuals, while other think is affected by other factors. Discus both view

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
402 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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