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Many students take part-time jobs while studying at university. Is this a bad or good idea?

Many students take part-time jobs while studying at university. Is this a bad or good idea? ERjx
Nowadays, it is a common phenomenon for high school or university students to find some part-time jobs. But some people doubt it. Whether students should do part-time jobs or concentrate on their studies. I agree that doing a part-time job is helpful for students as it helps them to widen their horizons and also help them to deal with problems in their life. Also, they get to know how to value things. Firstly, while doing a part-time job students get to know what is happening in their societies. When they work they meet different peoples and learn new things every day which is not possible in a school that is only limited to certain subjects. Secondly, juveniles that go only to school don't face real-time problems and would not able to develop the quality of how to deal with problems. However, students who work face difficulties almost every day and they develop experiences of how to deal with them. Finally, children who work get to know the importance of money in their early life. Also, they realize how their parents are working hard to give them a good lifestyle. As a result, they value things and people around them. It is proven that children who work during studying value things such as food and clothes more than children who do not work. To sum up, I would say that it is very important for students to work while studying as it would help them to grow mentally and would help them to know about society too.
Nowadays, it is a common phenomenon for high school or university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
doubt it. Whether
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students
should do part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
or concentrate on their studies. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that doing a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to widen their horizons and
also
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help
them to deal with problems in their life.
Also
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
how to value things.

Firstly
, while doing a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
what is happening in their societies. When they
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work
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
peoples and learn new things every day which is not possible in a school
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited to certain subjects.

Secondly
, juveniles that go
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to school don't face real-time problems and would not able to develop the quality of how to deal with problems.
However
,
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
face difficulties almost every
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
day and
they develop experiences of how to deal with them.

Finally
, children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the importance of money in their early life.
Also
, they realize how their parents are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to give them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lifestyle.
As a result
, they value things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them. It
is proven
that children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during studying value things such as food and clothes more than children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not work.

To sum up, I would say that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while studying as it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to grow mentally and would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about society too.
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IELTS essay Many students take part-time jobs while studying at university. Is this a bad or good idea?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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