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Many students take part time job for studying in universities. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Many students take part time job for studying in universities. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? XGm3O
Education is an integral part of society. It is irrefutable fact that cost of perusing education in universities are high. Some students get indulged into part time jobs to overcome their universities and other expenses. In my opinion it is a positive development. The reasons supporting my views will be discussed in the subsequent paragraphs. At the onset, there are many reasons why working part time is beneficial while studying in universities. Firstly, extra cash will help pupils to cover their overhead expenses such as rent, daily commute charges and groceries. The students can learn management of money from part time job, they will spend their hard-earned money wisely. For instance, according to survey done by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) 90% student working as part timers and they are able to fund their education and some savings on the side. Hence, the main benefit of part time job that student can aid their universities tuition fee. Moreover, the part time jobs help in providing the actual working environment to the students It makes them strong to face competitiveness once they graduate from the course. For example, pupils who had par time jobs while studying got better working performance as compared to the students who were not working. Hence, good working performance will help them to grow more in future. In addition, part time jobs help in gaining experience from the work place. This will help them to deal with the problems perfectly. Network building with the people is another benefit of part time job as it includes multi-cultured people from all around the globe. To conclude, it is important for student to work while studying as it would help them to grow mentally and physically. Par time job helps them to manage their day-to-day expenses along with their future dreams.
Education is an integral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of society. It is irrefutable fact that cost of perusing education in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are high.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
indulged into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to overcome their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and other expenses. In my opinion it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. The reasons supporting my views will
be discussed
in the subsequent paragraphs.

At the onset, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is beneficial while studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
Firstly
, extra cash will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
pupils to cover their overhead expenses such as rent, daily commute charges and groceries. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn management of money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they will spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned money
wisely
.
For instance
, according to survey done by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) 90%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part timers
and they are able to fund their education and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
savings on the side.
Hence
, the main benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can aid their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
tuition fee.

Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in providing the actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them strong to face competitiveness once they graduate from the course.
For example
, pupils who had par
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
performance as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who were not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
performance will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to grow more
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in gaining experience from the work place. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to deal with the problems
perfectly
. Network building with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
another benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as it includes multi-cultured
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from all around the globe.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to work while studying as it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to grow mentally and
physically
. Par
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to manage their day-to-day expenses along with their future dreams.
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IELTS essay Many students take part time job for studying in universities. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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