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Many scientists believe that now we can see that the behavior of a three-year old child to see whether they will grow up to criminal

Many scientists believe that now we can see that the behavior of a three-year old child to see whether they will grow up to criminal 7rog3
These days, every time you turn on the television or flick through the pages of a newspaper, you come across the terms of crime. According to scientific research, Some scientists consider that whether or not to be criminal in the future is reflected in the actions of a three- year-old children. I completely disagree with this idea and in this essay I will support my opinion with examples. Every child was not born with bad behavior or habit and it is difficult to find out the behavior of a three-year old child who does not still grow up. There are many reasons to commit crime. Firstly, As children grow older, they can become involved in due to external factors. For example, Bad behavior friends and surroundings where they can study or play impact on children. Therefore, the parents at home and teachers at school or kindergarten can control children to prevent crime. Another possible issue is that internal factors such as lack of money, parents quarrels, violent games on computer or phone or useless films or TV shows effect children's behaviors and they cause to commit crime. To solve such kind of problems parents and government are responsibility. For example, government should control the social media and focus on education. In conclusion, I consider that tending to crime is not noticed in early age of children, However, parents and government play a vital role to prevent. For instance, parents should pay a great attention their children in early age and government must focus on education and reduce the number of unemployments
These days, every time you turn on the television or flick through the pages of a newspaper, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across the terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. According to scientific research,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
scientists consider that
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
to be criminal in the future
is reflected
in the actions of a three- year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and in this essay I will support my opinion with examples.

Every child was not born with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
or habit and it is difficult to find out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
of a three-year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
child who does not
still
grow up. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Firstly
, As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow older, they can become involved in due to external factors.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
friends and surroundings where they can study or play impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at home and teachers at school or kindergarten can control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
crime.

Another possible issue is that internal factors such as lack of money,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
quarrels, violent games on computer or phone or useless films or TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
effect children's
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
behaviors and
they cause
Did you mean "committing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'cause' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. To solve such kind of problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
are responsibility.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should control the social media and focus on education.

In conclusion
, I consider that tending to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is not noticed in early age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
play a vital role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should pay a great attention their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in early age and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
focus on education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
unemployments
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IELTS essay Many scientists believe that now we can see that the behavior of a three-year old child to see whether they will grow up to criminal

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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