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Many people work long hours, leaving very little time leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or disadvantages

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or disadvantages V9gm
Nowadays, people have followed a hectic lifestyle made them do not have time to spend in their free time. Although, being involved in long time working bring us many benefits, I believe that spending time for leisure activities could be more useful. Individuals could be benefit from better lifestyle if they spend more time on working. On other words, having long time job causes them earning much more money so they are provided with high quality lifestyle. Professors of university, for example, possess huge house with expensive cars. They dedacte most of their time by working with students or being in libraries so as to improving their knowledge. As a result, their do not have enough time to have a fun and doing leisure activities. So, being involved in long time work would help to experience luxury lifestyle. On the other hand, spending enough time for having leisure activities would bring more beneficial for health. It means that people will experience mental health if they have plan for their spare time. This is because not only doing leisure activities could help to ride of all stress experienced in their work time, but also they have a chance to meet new people and share their feeling. Therefore, having plan for spare time is considered as a important part of life for societies. In conclusion. While some people allocate most of their time by long time working, Personally I think that having leisure activities would bring more advantage in life.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have followed a hectic lifestyle made them do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Although,
being involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
bring us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits, I believe that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
could be more useful.

Individuals could be benefit from better lifestyle if they spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
. On other words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
job causes them earning much more money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
are provided
with high quality lifestyle. Professors of university,
for example
, possess huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with expensive cars. They
Possible spelling mistake found.
dedacte
most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with students or being in libraries
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
improving their knowledge.
As a result
, their do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to have a fun and doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
being involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
work would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to experience luxury lifestyle.

On the other hand
, spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
would bring more beneficial for health. It means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will experience mental health if they have plan for their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to ride of all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
experienced in their work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and share their feeling.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
plan for spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is considered
as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of life for societies.

In conclusion
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
allocate most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
,
Personally
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
would bring more advantage in life.

IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving very little time leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or disadvantages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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