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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? xk9a
Today when people get old they go to retirement homes, where they stay with the people of their age. Some people are concerned that the government will take responsibility for these expenses. Others think that the family should bear the cost. In my opinion relatives should pay for nursing homes, but I also think that the government and relatives should share that responsibility due to different financial capabilities of old people’s families. First of all, it will be ruinous for the economy if the government pays for retirement houses. In other words, today life expectancy is longer than ever before and there are a lot of old people. It will be more efficient for the economy if relatives pay for old people’s nursing houses or they could pay for themselves. However, some of eldery people lost part of their pensions due to the financial crisis and devolvations. It means that they could not cover their expenses for retirement houses. In some cases this situation could be even worse when relatives due to different, but reasonable circumstances like financial problems could not afford to pay for a nursing home or old people do not have any relatives. In these situations the government should take responsibility for old citizens. However, there is also another way to handle this problem and it is quite simple. If there is an opportunity not to spend the end of life in a nursery should home spend it with their family. There is no doubt that if the financial situation is appropriate, everyone will be happy to spend more time and to look after senior relatives: . In other words younger generations learn to be patient, to be sympathetic and responsible and older people feel that they are needed. Consequently, family members become vore united, friendly and strong. To sum up, caring about old people demands a lot of money and it will be more efficient for the government, if relatives handle it: pay for eldery or live with them. However, there should be support from the government: paying for nursery homes or financial support and covering part of costs.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
they go to retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
, where they stay with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of their age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will take responsibility for these expenses. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the family should bear the cost. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
should share that responsibility due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
capabilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
families.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it will be ruinous for the economy if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pays
for retirement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
life expectancy is longer than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It will be more efficient for the economy if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
nursing
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
houses or
they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for themselves.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
eldery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lost part of their pensions due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
crisis and
Possible spelling mistake found.
devolvations
. It means that they could not cover their expenses for retirement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases this situation could be even worse when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
reasonable circumstances like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
problems could not afford to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for a nursing home or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
. In these situations the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
citizens.

However
, there is
also
another way to handle this problem and it is quite simple.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
there is an opportunity not to spend the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of life in a nursery should home spend it with their family. There is no doubt that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
situation is appropriate, everyone will be happy to spend more time and to look after senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
:
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
In other words
younger generations learn to be patient, to be sympathetic and responsible and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that they
are needed
.
Consequently
, family members become
Possible spelling mistake found.
vore
united, friendly and strong.

To sum up, caring about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
demands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money and it will be more efficient for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
handle it:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
eldery
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with them.
However
, there should be support from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
: paying for nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support and covering part of costs.

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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