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Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

Gaining success in one's life is everyone's wish. A majority of population strive to succeed either in their profession or in their studies. Some would argue that being wealthy is success, while few would state that being well-known makes them feel achieved; however, In my opinion, helping those who are in need and seeing their happiness makes me a successful human. To begin with, the definition of success varies according to individual's perspective. A part of society believes, earning money and becoming financially stable in their business, is what showing themselves as successful people in the world. For instance, most of the competitions between individuals only focus on how rich they are than one another and are working towards that. Secondly, Another group exists saying that, becoming famous by achieving academically or inventing new things lead them in a path to success. This can be seen from the school days where every student is enforced to study hard either by their teachers or parents in order to be successful in the future. To give a clear evidence, a vast majority of parents' mindset in India about their children's accomplishment is that their children should score high marks in academic exams. Personally, to be honest, I always see the word success in a totally different perspective where only few percent of global population thinks in this way. That is, sharing to those who are undernourished or underdeveloped. I firmly stand in my statement because as a human, everyone should care about our surroundings and should show some affection and spread kindness to all. This is what makes me feel like I have achieved something as a part of this world. In conclusion, among different kinds of perspectives towards success, neither earning money nor proving great academically will help to attain success. Furthermore, these reasons actually hinder people to know the real meaning of success. As I believe, caring and humanity is what makes people successful.
Gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in one's life is everyone's wish. A majority of population strive to succeed either in their profession or in their studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that being wealthy is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, while few would state that being well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them feel achieved;
however
, In my opinion, helping those who are in need and seeing their happiness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
me a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
human.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the definition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
varies according to individual's perspective. A part of society believes, earning money and becoming
financially
stable in their business, is what showing themselves as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world.
For instance
, most of the competitions between individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on how rich they are than one another and are working towards that.

Secondly
, Another group exists saying that, becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
by achieving
academically
or inventing new things lead them in a path to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the school
It is better to use ‘days’ with the time-relative pronoun ‘when’: “days when”. (Alternatively, use ‘in/on which’)
days where
every student
is enforced
to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
either by their teachers or parents in order to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in the future. To give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
evidence, a vast majority of parents' mindset in India about their children's accomplishment is that their children should score high marks in academic exams.

Personally
, to be honest, I always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the word
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in a
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few percent of global population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
in this way.
That is
, sharing to those who
are undernourished
or underdeveloped. I
firmly
stand in my statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as a human, everyone should care about our surroundings and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
affection and spread kindness to all. This is what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
me feel like I have achieved something as a part of this world.

In conclusion
, among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of perspectives towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, neither earning money nor proving great
academically
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to attain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Furthermore
, these reasons actually hinder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to know the real meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. As I believe, caring and humanity is what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
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IELTS essay Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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