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Many people think there is a general increase of anti-social behavior and a lack of respect to others. What do you think are the causes of this and how to improve the situation ?

Many people think there is a general increase of anti-social behavior and a lack of respect to others. What do you think are the causes of this and how to improve the situation? bYOBY
Nowadays, many people believe that there is an increase in crimes and disrespect in society. In this essay, I will discuss the probable causes and solutions to cater to these issues. Firstly, Television and virtual media be considered as the major factor for cultivating violence among citizens. In order words, they are highly influencing individual towards gruesome anti-social behaviour and disrespect towards each other. For instance, Television shows such as Game of Thrones, which promotes crime, bloodbath and hatred are greatly viewed, especially among children, creating a negative example for them. The solution can be to control these contents. Parents can control the channels viewed by their children, as well as government can motivate individual for self- discipline as well as indulge in creative activities to create a healthy mind, which can be done by opening more gym, park and recreational activities. Secondly, non- availability of proper education at a primitive stage can also be the major reason for crimes and lack of respect among people, especially in the younger generation. This is because proper schooling provides a better life and sense of responsibility among community members, but the lack of it takes a human being in the wrong direction. The major reason for not having proper education is the high fee required to attend schools, which results in a majority of Individuals not able to even clear higher secondary schools. The solution to this problem is free education for all. For example, Canada and Germany provide free educations and scholarships to its citizens, which results in low crime rate in their countries as well as indulging in cultivating a civilised community. Hence, by providing free education, the problem of high crime rates and uncivilization can be stopped. In conclusion, by controlling the content in Television and internet either by self-control or by parents keeping the tab on children, as well as providing free education to everyone, crimes and disrespect, which is prevalent in society can be considerably decreased.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that there is an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and disrespect in society. In this essay, I will discuss the probable causes and solutions to cater to these issues.

Firstly
, Television and virtual media
be considered
as the major factor for cultivating violence among citizens. In order words, they are
highly
influencing individual towards gruesome anti-social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and disrespect towards each other.
For instance
, Television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
such as Game of Thrones, which promotes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, bloodbath and hatred are
greatly
viewed,
especially
among children, creating a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
example for them. The solution can be to control these contents. Parents can control the channels viewed by their children, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can motivate individual for self- discipline as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as indulge in creative activities to create a healthy mind, which can
be done
by opening more gym, park and recreational activities.

Secondly
, non- availability of proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at a primitive stage can
also
be the major reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and lack of respect among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
in the younger generation. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
proper schooling provides a better life and sense of responsibility among community members,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the lack of it takes a human being in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
direction. The major reason for not having proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the high fee required to attend schools, which results in a majority of Individuals not able to even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
higher secondary schools. The solution to this problem is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for all.
For example
, Canada and Germany provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educations
and scholarships to its citizens, which results in low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate in their countries as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as indulging in cultivating a
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilised' is British English.
civilised
community.
Hence
, by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, the problem of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates and
Possible spelling mistake found.
uncivilization
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
.

In conclusion
, by controlling the content in Television and internet either by self-control or by parents keeping the tab on children, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to everyone,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and disrespect, which is prevalent in society can be
considerably
decreased.
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IELTS essay Many people think there is a general increase of anti-social behavior and a lack of respect to others. What do you think are the causes of this and how to improve the situation?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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