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Many people think that money is the best gift to give a teenager ,but others disagree. Discuss both the views.

Many people think that money is the best gift to give a teenager, but others disagree. n61Gl
Numerous of people opine that wherewithal is the significant present to the teenager, how bit others have a reverse opinion with it. This essay agrees with the later statement that the teenager in this modern world needs special care in their age. However this essay will discuss both the views. To commence with, a section of society asserts that cash can be the excellent gift given to the teenage children. Because money can bridge the gap between the children and those parents who are immensely busy in racking in big bucks through their vast business. On the other hand, this argument is completely inappropriate as giving money as a gift to the contemporary teenagers give the momentarily happier and increase the relation gap between parents and children abundantly. For instance, one of my friends who got messed up with bad habits projected by gifting high cash amounts by his parents coupled with relatives. Nonetheless, the other set of people believe that youngster needs special care because of their crucial stage. There is a direct correlation between the hormonal change and life trajectory followed by juvenile in their age, therefore special responsibility has a direct relation with the former things. Furthermore, teenage is the vitality of growth, so by making the children to channelise their energy in a positive manner can trigger to a great success in life. For example, a survey conducted worldwide in 2015 which revealed that 50% of teenagers who lived under the not only care but also love grow rapidly in their lives. To conclude, although wealth is important in all walks of life, it makes cause disastrous effects in the minor's lives. And love and responsibility dominate over the cash at the times when children need the company of parents the most
Numerous of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that wherewithal is the significant present to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
, how bit others have a reverse opinion with it. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the later statement that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
in this modern world needs special care in their age.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
this essay will discuss both the views.

To commence with, a section of society asserts that cash can be the excellent gift
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
money can bridge the gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are
immensely
busy in racking in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
bucks through their vast business.
On the other hand
, this argument is completely inappropriate as giving money as a gift to the contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
give the
momentarily
happier and increase the relation gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
abundantly
.
For instance
, one of my friends who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
messed up with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits projected by gifting high cash amounts by his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
coupled with relatives.

Nonetheless, the other set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that youngster needs special care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their crucial stage. There is a direct correlation between the hormonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and life trajectory followed by juvenile in their age,
therefore
special responsibility has a direct relation with the former things.
Furthermore
, teenage is the vitality of growth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'channelise' is British English.
channelise
their energy in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
manner can trigger to a great success in life.
For example
, a survey conducted worldwide in 2015 which revealed that 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
under the not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
grow
rapidly
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To conclude
, although wealth is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in all walks of life, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
cause disastrous effects in the minor's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and responsibility dominate over the cash at the times when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
most
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IELTS essay Many people think that money is the best gift to give a teenager, but others disagree.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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