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Many people think that happiness relies on the responsibility of individuals, others think that it is affected by other factors. Discuss both views and state your opinion by using examples from your personal experience.

Different Individuals have various approaches to happiness and life. While some people believe that happiness depends on themselves, others corelate happiness with other factors such as financial status and success. The definition of happiness depends from person to person and no approach towards euphoria is wrong Happiness is thought of as the sole responsibility of themselves by many individuals. This is because you can have all the luxuries in the world but still tend to feel unhappy. On the contrary I believe that while happiness comes from within, there are some important factors which cannot be controlled by us. Individuals often feel that external resources can help them achieve goals and then in turn they can be happy when the consequently achieve them. A plethora of people consider external factors highly important for their euphoria. Every individual has some dreams of goals they must fulfil, be it either a small or a large goal. Undoubtedly, no approach here is wrong and often happiness is a mix of both internal feelings and external factors guiding towards the same. People tend to have the perception that happiness depends on a person’s state of mind and heart and every person must have the ability to control their emotions. The ability to decide which individual to be with, an individual who helps you grow is also very important as that individual can also be a huge contributor for your happiness In conclusion, although it is hard to define how a person should feel happy, but happiness cannot be solely achieved without considering other factors, the fact that a person cannot be happy if externally everything is going against his or her expectations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
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Individuals
have various approaches to
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happiness
and life. While
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some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
depends on themselves, others
Possible spelling mistake found.
corelate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
such as financial status and success. The definition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
The verb ‘to depend’ requires the preposition ‘(up)on’: “depends on”.
depends
from
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person
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and no approach towards euphoria is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
wrong


Happiness is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of as the sole responsibility of themselves by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you can have all the luxuries in the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
tend to feel unhappy.
On the contrary
I believe that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from within, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which cannot
be controlled
by us.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel that external resources can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them achieve goals and then in turn they can be happy when the
consequently
achieve them.

A plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their euphoria. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dreams of goals they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
fulfil, be it either a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
or a large goal.
Undoubtedly
, no approach here is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is a mix of both internal feelings and external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
guiding towards the same.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
tend to have the perception that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
depends on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
state of mind and heart and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the ability to control their emotions. The ability to decide which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to be with, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you grow is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can
also
be a huge contributor for your happiness

In conclusion
, although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to define how a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should feel happy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
cannot be
solely
achieved without considering other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
, the fact that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
cannot be happy if
externally
everything is going against
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
expectations.
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IELTS essay Many people think that happiness relies on the responsibility of individuals, others think that it is affected by other factors.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
278 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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