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Many people think having enough money can bring happiness.do you agree or disagree?

Many people think having enough money can bring happiness. oP0V
Money plays and pivotal role in everyone's life. From our basic necesities to the fulfillment of our dreams and desired materialistic things. However, there are several contrasting opinions over capital and some people deem money as a home to the numerous kinds of problems. Personally, I also favor this statement, and highly agree to this notion. Firstly, it is widely said that "money begets" greediness. It means that if one have it's enormous amount than he/she may crave for more in the most of the cases, it is quite noticable these days. Moreover, a study had also demonstrated that people with colossal amount of dollars may suffer from various types of health related abnormalities in comparison to the individuals with moderate income. Besides this, currently the people who are rich or belongs to an aristocratic background are seen to be less attentive towards their children, therefore, they are not able to supervise and guide their children about the various aspects of the life in a pertinent way. Due to this their children become more prone to underage illegal activities. Furthermore, having excessive fortune can also lead to negative changes in one's personality, for instance, some people become egoistic, which may eventually cause catastrophic conditions for them. For example - one of the most prosperous and renowned businessman Anil ambani got bankrupt last year due to his extravaggant expenses and lavish lifestyle. In nutshell, having anything in excessive amount may lead to several problematic situations, same goes with the money. Thus, everyone should plan their investments adequately. Because having colossal amount of bucks can make or break a man.
Money
plays and pivotal role in everyone's life. From our basic
necesities
to the fulfillment of our dreams and desired materialistic things.
However
, there are several contrasting opinions over capital and
some
people
deem
money
as a home to the numerous kinds of problems.
Personally
, I
also
favor this statement, and
highly
agree
to this notion.

Firstly
, it is
widely
said that
"
money begets
"
greediness. It means that if one have it's enormous
amount
than he/she may crave for more in the most of the cases, it is quite
noticable
these days.
Moreover
, a study had
also
demonstrated that
people
with colossal
amount
of dollars may suffer from various types of health related abnormalities
in comparison
to the individuals with moderate income.
Besides
this,
currently
the
people
who are rich or belongs to an aristocratic background are
seen
to be less attentive towards their children,
therefore
, they are not able to supervise and guide their children about the various aspects of the life
in a pertinent way
. Due to this their children become more prone to underage illegal activities.

Furthermore
, having excessive fortune can
also
lead to
negative
changes
in one's personality,
for instance
,
some
people
become egoistic, which may
eventually
cause catastrophic conditions for them.
For example
-
one of the most prosperous and renowned businessman Anil
ambani
got
bankrupt last year due to his
extravaggant
expenses and lavish lifestyle.

In nutshell, having anything in excessive
amount
may lead to several problematic situations, same goes with the
money
.
Thus
, everyone should plan their investments
adequately
.
Because
having colossal
amount
of bucks can
make
or break a
man
.
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IELTS essay Many people think having enough money can bring happiness.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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