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Many people say that when the family has 2 or more children, they can't share their love and care equally. That leads to the conflict among the siblings and the child who thinks they do not receive enough care and love compared to other siblings they seem to have bad behavior. How much do you agree with this view? If that truly happen, what should we do to reduce this issue?

Many people say that when the family has 2 or more children, they can't share their love and care equally. That leads to the conflict among the siblings and the child who thinks they do not receive enough care and love compared to other siblings they seem to have bad behavior. How much do you agree with this view? If that truly happen, what should we do to reduce this issue? WE3AW
Some people who love kids or grew up in big families will know the love and happiness they get from siblings! Some couldn't imagine life without their sibling and so they wouldn't ever want their first child to be an only child. Many people who are an only child wish they had a sibling. However, it is argued that having more than 1 child will definitely lead to siblings rivalry because of the unbalance of parent’s love and care. Although this problem usually happen, I still believe it’s not only depend on parents. Firstly, finding the reason is what we need. Sibling rivalry starts even before the second child is born, and continues as the kids grow and compete for everything from toys to attention. As kids reach different stages of development, their evolving needs can significantly affect how they relate to one another. For example, toddlers are naturally protective of their toys and belongings, and are learning to assert their will. So if the older child pick up their toys, they wil react aggressively. Then, when children in school-aged, they will learn about fairness and equality, so might not understand why siblings of other ages are treated differently or feel like one child gets preferential treatment. That cause a conflict and most of them think that due to their parents. Moreover, each children have their individual temperament – including mood, character which make them not only unique but also affect to how well they get along each other. On the other hand, looking at a positive way, psychologically, sibling rivalry serves a developmental purpose: It helps children figure out what is unique and special about themselves, otherwise known as “differentiation. ” Children want to be seen as the most special by their parents, so they’re always going to push for preferential treatment over their siblings. But they may also shape their interests and personalities around their siblings’ skills and desires. Secondly, it’s time for parents to keep sibling’s interaction positive in tone. Parents need to figure out what set their children off, pay attention to what tends to happen before conflict break out. If kids usually fight every time they watch TV, for instance, make sure you sit down in earshot at that time and follow them. Furthermore, don't let kids make you think that everything always has to be "fair" and "equal" — sometimes one kid needs more than the other. Helping your kid to resolve conflict without blaming or accusing, all of them have to come together after fighting. Make sure kids have their own space and time to do their own thing — to play with toys by themselves, to play with friends without a sibling tagging along, or to enjoy activities without having to share. Therefore, they don’t compare themselves with the other about preferential treatment. To sum up, sibling rivalry can be solved easily if parents understand what their children need, find out the reason and fix it. Specially, parents must share their love and care equally
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Some
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people
who
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love
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kids
or grew up in
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big
families will know the
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love
and happiness they
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get
from
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siblings
!
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Some
couldn't imagine life without their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sibling and
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so
they wouldn't ever want their
first
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child
to be an
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only
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child
.
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Many
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people
who are an
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only
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child
wish they had a
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sibling
.
However
, it
is argued
that having more than 1
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child
will definitely lead to
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siblings
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rivalry
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because
of the unbalance of
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parent’s
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love
and care. Although this problem
usually
happen, I
still
believe it’s not
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only
depend on parents.

Firstly
, finding the reason is what we
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need
.
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Sibling
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rivalry
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starts
even
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before
the second
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child
is born
, and continues as the
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kids
grow and compete for everything from
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toys
to attention. As
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kids
reach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages of development, their evolving
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needs
can
significantly
affect how they relate to one another.
For example
, toddlers are
naturally
protective of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and belongings, and are learning to assert their will.
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So
if the older
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child
pick up their
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toys
, they
Possible spelling mistake found.
wil
react
aggressively
. Then, when
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children
in school-aged, they will learn about fairness and equality,
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so
might not understand why
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siblings
of
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other
ages
are treated
differently
or feel like one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
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gets
preferential treatment. That cause a conflict and most of them
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think
that due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Moreover
, each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
have their individual temperament
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
including mood, character which
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make
them not
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only
unique
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but
also
affect to how well they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along each
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other
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, looking at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way,
psychologically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sibling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rivalry
serves a developmental purpose: It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
figure out what is unique and special about themselves,
otherwise
known as “differentiation. ”
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
want to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as the most special by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they’re always going to push for preferential treatment over their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
siblings
.
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But
they may
also
shape their interests and personalities around their
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siblings’
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skills
and desires.

Secondly
, it’s
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time
for
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parents
to
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keep
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sibling’s
interaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
in tone.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to figure out what set their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
off, pay attention to what tends to happen
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before
conflict break out. If
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kids
usually
fight every
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time
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV,
for instance
,
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make
sure you sit down in earshot at that
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time
and follow them.
Furthermore
, don't
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let
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kids
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make
you
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think
that everything always
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has to
be
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
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fair
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and
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"
equal
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"
—
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sometimes
one
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kid
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needs
more than the
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other
. Helping your
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kid
to resolve conflict without blaming or accusing, all of them
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have to
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come
together after fighting.
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Make
sure
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kids
have their
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own
space and
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time
to do their
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own
thing — to play with
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toys
by themselves, to play with friends without a
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sibling
tagging along, or to enjoy activities without having to share.
Therefore
, they don’t compare themselves with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
about preferential treatment.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sibling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rivalry
can
be solved
easily
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
understand what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
, find out the reason and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
it.
Specially
,
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parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and care
equally
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IELTS essay Many people say that when the family has 2 or more children, they can't share their love and care equally. That leads to the conflict among the siblings and the child who thinks they do not receive enough care and love compared to other siblings they seem to have bad behavior. How much do you agree with this view? If that truly happen, what should we do to reduce this issue?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
502 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Many people say that when the family has 2 or more children, they can't share their love and care equally. That leads to the conflict among the siblings and the child who thinks they do not receive enough care and love compared to other siblings they seem to have bad behavior. How much do you agree with this view? If that truly happen, what should we do to reduce this issue?