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Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development?

Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development? pRJ20
In order to gain convenience to sign up services like social network communication and online banking, many people allow storing their personal information like phone number and address on the internet. Even though it appears to be more advantageous to the user, this trend has some serious drawbacks. The primary advantage of this storage of information is that it avoids repetitive entering of personal data whenever a person tries to access these services. This saves a considerable proportion of time because today, an individual log into numerous applications and online services. For example, if a person wants to pay for the food which he had at a restaurant or to pay the bill in the supermarket, online storage of personal data makes the procedure faster and convenient. Another positive aspect of this is that it the data can be recalled by the user anytime even if he forgets it. For example, if a person forgets his password or any other key information, it can be recalled or reset online in a secure manner. Today, when a person has numerous passwords and when he changes these periodically, this storage of data would be very beneficial. I have to admit that this type of access to the internet is not completely safe. The worst issue is hacking using these stored data. There are professional hackers who break into a person’s or an organization’s secure spaces online and can do fraudulent activities like transferring money to another account. Privacy is the next concern as the data stored online can become public data anytime if online security is lax. This can cause economic as well as emotional problems, which might be often severe. To conclude, albeit storing personal data and passwords online offers numerous advantages, its drawbacks should not be neglected as it can result in catastrophes.
In order to gain convenience to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up services like social network communication and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
banking,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
storing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information like phone number and address on the internet.
Even though
it appears to be more advantageous to the user, this trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious drawbacks.

The primary advantage of this storage of information is that it avoids repetitive entering of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
whenever a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
tries to access these services. This saves a considerable proportion of time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, an individual log into numerous applications and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
services.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
wants to pay for the food which he had at a restaurant or to pay the bill in the supermarket,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
storage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the procedure faster and convenient. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect of this is that it the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
can
be recalled
by the user anytime even if he forgets it.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
forgets his password or any other key information, it can
be recalled
or reset
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
Consider replacing "in a secure manner" with the adverb for "secure"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a secure manner
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has numerous passwords and when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
these
periodically
, this storage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that this type of access to the internet is not completely safe. The worst issue is hacking using these stored
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
. There are professional hackers who break into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
or an organization’s secure spaces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and can do fraudulent activities like transferring money to another account. Privacy is the
next
concern as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
stored
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
can become public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
anytime if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
security is lax. This can cause economic
as well
as emotional problems, which might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
severe.

To conclude
, albeit storing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
and passwords
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
offers numerous advantages, its drawbacks should not
be neglected
as it can result in catastrophes.

IELTS essay Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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