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Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development?

Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development? MAjo
Daily activities such as socializing, banking, and even shopping are nowadays becoming increasingly popular to be done online. Because of convenience, most people choose to sign up to online tools and services even though they are required to provide their sensitive information during the process. Although this poses security risks, I believe that using online tools and services are very beneficial to us. Putting personal data online will always pose a security risk. Cyber criminals can exploit one's personal information once they gain access to it. For example, a hacker can use the information available from a person's social media account to answer security questions asked during login to online banking. As a result, this person's bank account can be compromised without knowing it until it is too late. These security risks have always been known to be affiliated when uploading personal data online. On the other hand, there are undeniably numerous benefits of using online tools as compared to doing its traditional counterparts. It is conveniently easy to transact businesses using online banking instead of physically going to a bank and do business there. As compared to the traditional text messaging and sending mails, people nowadays have been closely connected because of social media platforms which provides free messaging services for everyone. Online shopping also helps sellers save money from renting a physical store while being able to cater to a wider set of customers who can be anywhere within the country. These benefits surely outweigh the affiliated security risks which can be prevented by following data security measurements when using online tools. In conclusion, although there is a security risk involved when people provide sensitive data online, I believe that there are far more benefits in using online tools and services. People will just have to be extra cautious when providing sensitive data to avoid being exploited by cyber criminals.
Daily activities such as socializing, banking, and even shopping are nowadays becoming
increasingly
popular to
be done
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of convenience, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
even though
they
are required
to provide their sensitive information during the process. Although this poses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
, I believe that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial to us.

Putting personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
will always pose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
. Cyber criminals can exploit one's personal information once they gain access to it.
For example
, a hacker can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the information available from a person's social media account to answer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
questions asked during login to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
banking.
As a result
, this person's bank account can
be compromised
without knowing it until it is too late. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
have always
been known
to
be affiliated
when uploading personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
online.

On the other hand
, there are
undeniably
numerous benefits of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
as compared to doing its traditional counterparts. It is
conveniently
easy to transact businesses using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
banking
instead
of
physically
going to a bank and do business there. As compared to the traditional text messaging and sending mails,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays have been
closely
connected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of social media platforms which provides free messaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
for everyone.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
shopping
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
sellers save money from renting a physical store while being able to cater to a wider set of customers who can be anywhere within the country. These benefits
surely
outweigh the affiliated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
measurements when using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
tools.

In conclusion
, although there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
involved when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
provide sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, I believe that there are far more benefits in using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be extra cautious when providing sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
to avoid
being exploited
by cyber criminals.

IELTS essay Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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