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Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development?

Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development? 0oEl
The advent of software technologies has helped many individuals to save ample time while accessing to their account or making any online transaction. Giving access to confidential information for the purpose of saving time while logging in has became very common. I believe that the negative point such as data theft, does not the outweighs the various positive points one can experience, such as ease of use and time saving while providing the personal data online. Various online platforms which require login for access, have the feature of auto sign-in which has proved to be a great time saver. Various personal information such as personal telephone address and date of birth are required at the first sign up, and then the website eventually saves the information for future. Various online banking transactions require many personal information such as bank account details, bank IFSC code, etc for transfer of funds, which takes plenty of time and often while submitting these data, session time-out is very normal. For these scenarios having already given access to the required information to the platform saves time and avoids the chances of transaction getting failed. On the contrary data theft and hacking is very common these days which makes our online data vulnerable. The data which we save online, is managed by a third-party server and we may be unaware of the security measures followed by them to preserve our data. Recent cases of Twitter accounts of various celebrities getting hacked is an example of what could happen if our data is not secured. Moreover, many job portals where we share our email id and personal phone number, share the data to consultants to connect with us and there are high chances of data being leaked from the consultant’s data base. In conclusion, I believe although there are many demerits for saving the data online such as data theft and hacking but the positives of ease of user experience and time saving cannot be ignored and overall, it’s a positive change.
The advent of software technologies has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
ample
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
while accessing to their account or making any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
transaction. Giving access to confidential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
for the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
while logging in has
Use past participle here: "become".
became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common. I believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
point such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
theft, does not the outweighs the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points one can experience, such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
while providing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
online.

Various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms which require login for access, have the feature of auto
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
-in which has proved to be a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
saver.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
telephone address and date of birth
are required
at the
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up, and then the website
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saves
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
for future.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
Various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
banking transactions require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as bank account
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, bank IFSC code, etc for transfer of funds, which takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
while submitting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
, session time-out is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
normal. For these scenarios having already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
access to the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to the platform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and avoids the chances of transaction getting failed.

On the contrary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
theft and hacking is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common these days which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
vulnerable. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
which we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
,
is managed
by a third-party
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
server and
we may be unaware of the security measures followed by them to preserve our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
. Recent cases of Twitter accounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
celebrities getting hacked is an example of what could happen if our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is not secured.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job portals where we share our email id and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
phone number, share the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
to consultants to connect with us and there are high chances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
being leaked
from the consultant’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
base.

In conclusion
, I believe although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
demerits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
theft and hacking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the positives of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of user experience and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
and
overall
, it’s a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

IELTS essay Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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