Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people play sport when they are young, but then stop when they become adults. Why do so many adults stop doing physical exercise? What can be done to solve this problem.

Sport is essential part of our life for living healthy and long life. People do it either protecting their physics or being healthy and so on. But there are some issues about sports and this essay mentions about all these problems and solutions. When people start to do sport they have some purposes which I have already mentioned about that people finish doing sport because when they are older they do not care about their physics. For example, younger people especially girls prefer to do it for remaining thinny because it is not easy to find big size clotheses nowadays. Conversely when they are overweight, they may be exposed to social pressure by others but they became getting older by time this is not a crucial issue for them. All of these things are not important matter for the future of society but it can be solved. People who does sport for their health and getting long life, they do never stop. If the governments desire people to be health, they should open free of charge gymnasiums, fitness centers and so on. For instance, I think that if there would lots of places like these, then it would create an interest even if people who do not do sport when they are adult will be interested in it. As a result these cause people to be health and do sport frequently. Once and for all, for the result of this issue, we can make up our mind that when there was enough free gym, people would be healthier and busier with sport.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
is essential part of our life for living healthy and long life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do it either protecting their physics or being healthy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and this essay
Did you mean simply “mentions all”? You do not need the word “about” here.
mentions about all
these problems and solutions.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
purposes which I have already
Did you mean simply “mentioned that”? You do not need the word “about” here.
mentioned about that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
finish doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they are older they do not care about their physics.
For example
, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
girls prefer to do it for remaining
Possible spelling mistake found.
thinny
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not easy to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
size
In some contexts, this is childish language. Consider alternatives.
clotheses
nowadays.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Conversely
when they are overweight, they may
be exposed
to social pressure by others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they became getting older by time this is not a crucial issue for them.

All of these things are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
matter for the future of society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
be solved
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
Did you mean “do”? Alternatively, check whether the singular of ‘People’ should be used.
does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
for their health and getting long life, they do never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
desire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be health, they should open free of charge gymnasiums, fitness centers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For instance
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if there would lots of places like these, then it would create an interest even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
when they are adult will
be interested
in it.
As a result
these cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be health and do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
frequently
.

Once and for all, for the result of this issue, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up our mind that when there was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
free gym,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be healthier and busier with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.

IELTS essay Many people play sport when they are young, but then stop when they become adults. Why do so many adults stop doing physical exercise? What can be done to solve this problem.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Many people play sport when they are young, but then stop when they become adults. Why do so many adults stop doing physical exercise? What can be done to solve this problem.