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Many people play sport when they are young, but then stop when they become adults. Why do so many adults stop doing physical exercise? What can be done to solve this problem?

It is often thought that a lot of people are participating in physical activities in a younger age. Although, majority of them are stopping when they grow up. There might be several causes of this potential issue, although I believe societies should take steps to mitigate them. Nowadays, most of the people do not do any exercise in dailylife, so there are some causes why people stop doing sport. One of the first problems of this issue is that there are more priorities in an adult's life. For instance, people who work in a company or somewhere, they do not have any time. So, if they want participating in physical exercise after work, they sense fed up. Consequently, they do not want doing activities. In addition, many of them stay far from their workplace and need to spend approximately two hours for commutation. Another concerning point is that, People who parent, there are more responsibilities in life. In other words, a person needs to fulfil those duties to take care of the family. For example, to spend time with children or earn money. However, There are several actions to tackle the problems described above. To begin with, there are numerous workplaces all over the world and I am convinced that if these workplaces will create a sport area, people sense willing and every day doing a number exercise at work. Another possible solution is that, parents and children participating in sports together. Consequently, they spend much time each other and it is necessary for people. In conclusion, physical work is extremely important to maintain good health and Physical exercise can be done at any age. Adults leave this activity by themselves or due to parents. This problem will be solved with Hopeless future and faith and belief in future
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities in a younger age. Although,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
them are stopping when they grow up. There might be several causes of this potential issue, although I believe societies should take steps to mitigate them.

Nowadays, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
dailylife
,
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so
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
doing sport. One of the
first
problems of this issue is that there are more priorities in an adult's life.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or somewhere, they do not have any time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if they want
If ‘want’ is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: “to participate”.
participating
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they sense fed up.
Consequently
, they do not want doing activities.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them stay far from their workplace and need to spend approximately two hours for commutation. Another concerning point is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who parent, there are more responsibilities in life.
In other words
, a person needs to fulfil those duties to take care of the family.
For example
, to spend time with children or earn money.

However
, There are several actions to tackle the problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are numerous workplaces all over the
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
I
am convinced
that if these workplaces will create a sport area,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sense willing and every day doing a number
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Another possible solution is that, parents and children participating in sports together.
Consequently
, they spend much time each
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
other and
it is necessary for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
can
be done
at any age. Adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
this activity by themselves or due to parents. This problem will
be solved
with Hopeless future and faith and belief in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
future
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IELTS essay Many people play sport when they are young, but then stop when they become adults. Why do so many adults stop doing physical exercise? What can be done to solve this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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