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Many people nowadays spend a large part of their time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think it is a negative or positive development? rNOk
There is no denying that smartphones have become an indispensable part of our lives thanks to the explosion of cutting-edge technology. However, there is a burgeoning population using their mobile phones on a more regular basis, which engenders some valid concerns. There are obviously some reasons behind this trend, and I strongly believe that it does more harm than good. There is a myriad of reasons why people nowadays are hooked on using smartphones. First, newly launched phones boast distinctive features like an easy-to-touch screen or innovative applications for all ages. As a result, a larger number of people, especially youngsters often spend hours using their phones. Second, mobile phones are considered an essential tool to keep in touch with different individuals or groups. In the past, it was common that letters were used to disseminate information and knowledge which required much effort. With the convenience and flexibility, smartphones undoubtedly satisfy humans’ growing demands in terms of communication. Also, in a world dominated by materialism, people are under constant pressure to seek a decent job or finish a deadline. Mobile phones; therefore, are of paramount importance when it comes to providing people with entertaining content to alleviate stress. Given the aforementioned benefits of smartphones in our daily lives, I would contend that spending excessive time using phones can take a toll on humans. A major drawback is that people who dedicate a larger part of their leisure time to using mobile phones may end up leading a sedentary lifestyle. Their inactivity effectively makes them more susceptible to chronic or even life-threatening diseases, like obesity or stroke. In addition to this, when people are virtually connected via smartphones, the relationships between humans in the real world will be likely to diminish. The Covid-19 pandemic; for example, has witnessed an increasing number of suicide cases due to the lack of real-life interactions among members of a family or friends or even neighbours, especially when people have been inclined to use their phones more frequently. In conclusion, while smartphones play a pivotal part in our modern world with lots of benefits, using them excessively can wreak havoc on both physical and mental health.
There is no denying that smartphones have become an indispensable part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
thanks to the explosion of cutting-edge technology.
However
, there is a burgeoning population using their mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
on a more regular basis, which engenders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valid concerns. There are
obviously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons behind this trend, and I
strongly
believe that it does more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

There is a myriad of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
are hooked
on using smartphones.
First
,
newly
launched
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
boast distinctive features like an easy-to-touch screen or innovative applications for all ages.
As a result
, a larger number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
spend hours using their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. Second, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are considered
an essential tool to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
individuals or groups. In the past, it was common that letters were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to disseminate information and knowledge which required much effort. With the convenience and flexibility, smartphones
undoubtedly
satisfy humans’ growing demands in terms of communication.
Also
, in a world dominated by materialism,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are under constant pressure to seek a decent job or finish a deadline. Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
;
therefore
, are of paramount importance when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with entertaining content to alleviate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the aforementioned benefits of smartphones in our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, I would contend that spending excessive time using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can take a toll on humans. A major drawback is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who dedicate a larger part of their leisure time to using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up leading a sedentary lifestyle. Their inactivity
effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more susceptible to chronic or even life-threatening diseases, like obesity or stroke.
In addition
to this, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
virtually
connected via smartphones, the relationships between humans in the real world will be likely to diminish. The Covid-19 pandemic;
for example
, has witnessed an increasing number of suicide cases due to the lack of real-life interactions among members of a family or friends or even
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
,
especially
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
been inclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
more
frequently
.

In conclusion
, while smartphones play a pivotal part in our modern world with lots of benefits, using them
excessively
can wreak havoc on both physical and mental health.
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IELTS essay Many people nowadays spend a large part of their time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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