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many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? do you think this is a positive or negative development?

many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? do you think this is a positive or negative development? b7E6
It is clear that large numbers of people spend a considerable proportion of their leisure time looking at their smart phones or similar gadgets. In my view there are two major reasons for this. Firstly, so much of our lives is now managed through these devices and we are expected to be in touch at all times. It is no longer acceptable to say that we are on holiday and cut off from communication with the outside world. A related but separate point is that it is difficult to conduct our social lives without a mobile device. People travel much more and their friends often live far away. Therefore, they actually need to conduct relationships online rather than face to face and for this reason frequent use of a mobile device is considered essential. There are some worrying aspects to this growth in the use of mobile devices, especially at times when people are supposed to be relaxing. Firstly, it is widely believed that phone use can become addictive and lead to an unhealthy dependence. People can become anxious if they do not check their devices at all times of the day and night and this can cause insomnia and other kinds of mental health problems. On the other hand, such devices can provide great sources of information and entertainment during our free time. It is, for example, valuable to have a mobile device when travelling in a new area, to look up routes or to find interesting places to visit. They also greatly facilitate activities such as making arrangements to meet up with friends. On balance, I feel that rather than spoiling our health or reducing enjoyment of our free time these devices actually enhance our lives.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that large numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend a

considerable proportion of their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
looking at

their smart phones or similar gadgets. In my view there

are two major reasons for this.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much of our

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
managed through these
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
devices and
we

are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be in touch at all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. It is no longer

acceptable to say that we are on holiday and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off

from communication with the outside world. A related

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
separate point is that it is difficult to conduct our

social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
without a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
travel much

more and their friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away.
Therefore
,

they actually need to conduct relationships online

rather
than face to face and
for this reason
frequent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use


of a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
is considered
essential.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
worrying aspects to this growth in the

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
,
especially
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


are supposed
to be relaxing.
Firstly
, it is
widely
believed

that phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
can become addictive and lead to an unhealthy dependence.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can become anxious if they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
at all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
of the day

and night and this can cause insomnia and other kinds

of mental health problems.

On the other hand
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
can provide great

sources of information and entertainment during our

free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It is,
for example
, valuable to have a mobile

device when travelling in a new area, to look up routes

or to find interesting places to visit. They
also
greatly


facilitate activities such as making arrangements to

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with friends.

On balance, I feel that
rather
than spoiling our health

or reducing enjoyment of our free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
these devices

actually enhance our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

IELTS essay many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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