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Many people nowadays do not visit own local museum. why people don't visit there ? importance of museum ?

Many people nowadays do not visit own local museum. why people don't visit there? importance of museum? 6OL0
Recently, show the community and relatives to their financial status and visit expensive abroad place has been increased. Most of domestic citizens do not visit their own local museums, i will discuss what influence behind it and why it us important for society in ensuring paragraphs along with logical conclusion. There are several reasons for that. Firstly, in this time people believe in shows up thus, prefer international holidays or any famous or sometimes expensive place rather than traditional and ancient place. Secondly, myriad of people have no interest in ancient things and historical items, although they make vacation with full of enjoyment. Finally, human race are compared each other, they are afraid what other say instead of their choice. For instance, majority of layman give priority to world tour for enjoyment than ancient or museum, learn their history and culture more deeply. Museum has pricious ancient history with stuff. Sometimes history repeat themselves so it is necessary to learn our culture and history to more closely hence, mistake does not same again. Moreover, it teach us tradition and myths, motivate to do for our country same as many has did it. In conclusion, people avoid to visit museum and ancient place it is trend by nowday's generation. Museum is essential part of our culture it represents our history but youth make holiday in expensive place due to social status.
Recently,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the community and relatives to their financial status and visit expensive abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
has
been increased
. Most of domestic citizens do not visit their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
,
Did you mean "I"?
i
will discuss what influence behind it and why it us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for society in ensuring paragraphs along with logical conclusion.

There are several reasons for that.
Firstly
, in this time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
up
thus
, prefer international holidays or any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
rather
than traditional and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
Secondly
, myriad of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have no interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
things and historical items, although they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
vacation with full of enjoyment.
Finally
, human race
are compared
each other, they are afraid what other say
instead
of their choice.
For instance
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
layman give priority to world tour for enjoyment than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, learn their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and culture more
deeply
.

Museum has
Possible spelling mistake found.
pricious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
with stuff.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
repeat themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is necessary to learn our culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
to more
closely
hence
, mistake does not same again.
Moreover
, it
Did you mean "teaches"?
teach
us tradition and myths, motivate to do for our country same as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
has
Use past participle here: "done".
did
it.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
The verb 'avoid' is used with the gerund form: "avoid visiting".
avoid to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
it is
Consider using a past participle here: "trended".
trend
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowday
's generation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
is essential part of our culture it represents our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
holiday in expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
due to social status.
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IELTS essay Many people nowadays do not visit own local museum. why people don't visit there? importance of museum?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
230 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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