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many people now undertake extreme activities, form hang-gliding to mountain climimg. why do people take risk, is this good trend

many people now undertake extreme activities, form hang-gliding to mountain climimg. why do people take risk, is this good trend WqDNk
In this contemporary era, even though it is true that a number of pupils are eager to participate in adventurous sports, they are aware about to involved risks. Some people are more enthusiastic to do some risk-taking activities. This essay will be discussing why people take risk and says about this is a good trend or not? To commence with, Firstly, the popularity of some dangerous sports such as paragliding, bunge jumping and scuba diving is that people doing to overcome their fears. Moreover, if people suffer form aquaphobia and acrophobia, they shold try some adventurous sport and they can remove this issue. Secondly, some people doing these activities to gain confidence and overcome the fear. Furthermore, community doing these activities after that they will be more confidence mitigate the fear. For example, one of my friend was afraid to hight but to reduce this fear, they did paragliding not only one time but three times during a day. On the other hand, firstly, the risk involved these sport, the most effective measure is use to safety gears, clothes and proper teaching. Moreover, before doing these activites please ensure that safety kit, thus during these activites there will be no any risk. Secondly, if people should take proper guidence and training, they can do any extreme soprt without any fear. Furthermore, some hazardous activities needed proffesional training and wearing some special cloths like mountain climing, paragliding and so on. For example, before paraglidind professional provide 1-2 days training. In conclusion, people doing these type of activities to overcome fear and do something new, but wearing proper cloths and follow the instruction to give instructor. I think these activites is good for community because they reduce the fear
In this contemporary era,
even though
it is true that a number of pupils are eager to participate in adventurous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, they are aware about
Did you mean "to be involved" or "to involve"?
to involved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more enthusiastic to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
-taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This essay will be discussing why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
and says about this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
trend or not?

To commence with,
Firstly
, the popularity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as paragliding,
Possible spelling mistake found.
bunge
jumping and scuba diving is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
to overcome their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fears
.
Moreover
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer form
Possible spelling mistake found.
aquaphobia
and acrophobia, they
Possible spelling mistake found.
shold
try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adventurous
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sport and
they can remove this issue.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to gain confidence and overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
.
Furthermore
, community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
after that they will be more confidence mitigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
.
For example
, one of my friend was afraid to
Possible spelling mistake found.
hight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
, they did paragliding not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
three times during a day.

On the other hand
,
firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
involved these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, the most effective measure is
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
safety gears, clothes and proper teaching.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
these
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
ensure that safety kit,
thus
during these
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
there will be
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take proper
Possible spelling mistake found.
guidence
and training, they can do any extreme
Possible spelling mistake found.
soprt
without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hazardous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
needed
Possible spelling mistake found.
proffesional
training and wearing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special cloths like mountain
Possible spelling mistake found.
climing
, paragliding and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
Possible spelling mistake found.
paraglidind
professional provide 1-2 days training.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
these type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to overcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
and do something new,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
wearing proper cloths and follow the instruction to give instructor. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
fear
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IELTS essay many people now undertake extreme activities, form hang-gliding to mountain climimg. why do people take risk, is this good trend

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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