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Many people have forgotton the maining behind traditional or religious festivals : during festival periods , people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves .To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Many people have forgotton the maining behind traditional or religious festivals: during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. YLgbK
Some people argue that, we know longer remember the original meaning of festivals and the most of us trend them as opportunities to have fun. While I agree that, enjoyement seems to be the priority during festival times, I do not ageee that, people have forgotton what these festivals mean. Firstly, every one person want to celebrate parties, actually teenagers. Then, they mix all of festivals. For example: New year. They always make entertaining, that party yhey do not think, about them plans. Actually they need celebrate, which all days make labour, and they need say to God " thanks ", and they makeplan next years. But adults do not think about that. They think, this day I need entertaining, I do not know another works. On the other hand, some people dpend own time for good works. For instance, our religious festival is " Ramadan ". That days all moslem community go to mosques. And they help to each one, especially to poor people. And that in 30 day they fatter for God. The Ramadan make together all of moslmes. In conclusion, they do not think, when our religious festival come we need promote to poor people, or to traditional festivals do not consisting only entertaining. Actually, every one moslem community day is happiness. We do not forget that thing, therefore I disagree that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that, we know longer remember the original meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
and the most of us trend them as opportunities to have fun. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that,
Possible spelling mistake found.
enjoyement
seems to be the priority during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
times, I do not
Possible spelling mistake found.
ageee
that,
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people
have
Possible spelling mistake found.
forgotton
what these
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festivals
mean.

Firstly
, every one person want to celebrate parties, actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Then, they mix all of
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festivals
.
For example
: New year. They always
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make
entertaining, that party
Possible spelling mistake found.
yhey
do not
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think
,
Did you mean "about my", "about her", "about his", "about our", or "about their"?
about them
plans. Actually they
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need
celebrate, which all days
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make
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
, and they
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need
say to God
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
thanks
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
, and they
Possible spelling mistake found.
makeplan
next
years.
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But
adults do not
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think
about that. They
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think
, this day I
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need
entertaining, I do not know another works.

On the other hand
,
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some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
dpend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
time for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
works.
For instance
, our religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
is
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
Ramadan
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
. That days all
Possible spelling mistake found.
moslem
community go to mosques. And they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to each one,
especially
to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. And that in 30 day they fatter for God. The Ramadan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
together all of
Possible spelling mistake found.
moslmes
.

In conclusion
, they do not
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think
, when our religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
we
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need
promote to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, or to traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
do not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "consist"?
consisting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
entertaining. Actually, every one
Possible spelling mistake found.
moslem
community day is happiness. We do not forget that thing,
therefore
I disagree
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
that
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IELTS essay Many people have forgotton the maining behind traditional or religious festivals: during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
224 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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