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Many people from rural areas moving to the cities. What problem can this cause? What can be solutions?

Many people from rural areas moving to the cities. What problem can this cause? What can be solutions? 56Nym
It is clearly evident that, moving from rural areas to the big metropolitan city has become a tradition in most of the families. However, it can can pose a problem in the society. Numerous solutions can be taken up by individuals to curb this point of view. Firstly, moving into the vast city life can pose a problem in the society itself. It would be the cause of a drastic decrease in the population of the countryside. Additionally, increase in population density in the urban areas can pave the way for a drop in basic amenities, namely food, shelter and water. This would greatly affect the mental as well as physical well being of a person, yet most of them prefer this way for a better living and comfort. As a result, the number of farmers and other primary producers may also go down, giving rise to food shortage problems, because each and every pupil are aiming to be an engineer or a doctor. More hospitality, good quality education and nearby services force people to migrate to the suburban areas. For instance, a survey depicted that, there was a 50% increase in the relocation of mankind to the towns. Finally, solutions to this issue cannot bring a sudden change, rather it would take plenty of time. One great solution can be contributed by the government, by boosting up the number of medical facilities and other needful provisions for humans. By doing this, they would tend to stay in their homeland. Another solution could be, bringing up more job opportunities in the rural side, which would in turn shoot up the economical status of certain families who suffer to acquire 3 meals a day. For example, awareness campaigns and promotions have been going on in most of the rural areas to build up better generations, without the facilities offered by the city life. In conclusion, moving into cities wouldn't pose a problem unless you fully indulge in the city life and heavenly materialistic objects that it may provide. Both society and government can tackle this upcoming threat by changing the lifestyle and occupation criteria.
It is
clearly
evident that, moving from rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
metropolitan city has become a tradition in most of the families.
However
, it
Possible typo: you repeated a word
can can
pose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in the society. Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
can
be taken
up by individuals to curb this point of view.

Firstly
, moving into the vast city life can pose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in the society itself. It would be the cause of a drastic decrease in the population of the countryside.
Additionally
, increase in population density in the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
can pave the way for a drop in basic amenities,
namely
food, shelter and water. This would
greatly
affect the mental
as well
as physical
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of a person,
yet
most of them prefer this way for a better living and comfort.
As a result
, the number of farmers and other primary producers may
also
go down, giving rise to food shortage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each and every pupil are aiming to be an engineer or a doctor. More hospitality,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality education and nearby services force
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to migrate to the suburban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
For instance
, a survey depicted that, there was a 50% increase in the relocation of mankind to the towns.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to this issue cannot bring a sudden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
,
rather
it would take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time. One great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
can
be contributed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, by boosting up the number of medical facilities and other needful provisions for humans. By doing this, they would tend to stay in their homeland. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
could be, bringing up more job opportunities in the rural side, which would in turn shoot up the
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
status of certain families who suffer to acquire 3 meals a day.
For example
, awareness campaigns and promotions have been going on in most of the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to build up better generations, without the facilities offered by the city life.

In conclusion
, moving into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
wouldn't pose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
unless you
fully
indulge in the city life and heavenly materialistic objects that it may provide. Both society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can tackle this upcoming threat by changing the lifestyle and occupation criteria.

IELTS essay Many people from rural areas moving to the cities. What problem can this cause? What can be solutions?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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