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many people claim that money cannot buy happiness, whereas others believe money which can make people satisfied with demands in their life will help them happy. Do you agree or disagree?

many people claim that money cannot buy happiness, whereas others believe money which can make people satisfied with demands in their life will help them happy. BY1yw
In today's modern world, money is a topic of that many people concern. In that situation, It is claimed that money cannot buy happiness, whereas others believe money boosts people satisfied with demands in their life will help them happy. From my point of view, money plays a crucial role in bringing happiness to our life. First of all, having money will meet personal necessary demands and help them release stress. Sufficient money eliminates financial distress for parents, which have to be fixed paid monthly regularly as educational fees for their children. Furthermore, fully-equipped houses are possessed if they have surplus money in the bank account, which can eliminate household chores and having more time for themselves especially recovering after hours of workload. In addition, money could be a key to a bright future for hardworking people. The reason is that parents can help their children pursue their dreams by joining more practical courses or high standards of living or learning facilities or going abroad to study in a high-quality school. Furthermore, rich people can organize offer various programs for charity such as raising funds for poor people or scholarships for children in poverty. Bringing opportunities to others means getting happiness for themselves. As indicated above, money really plays a crucial role in life. That is the reason why people always try to work so hard to make money even as much as possible.
In
today
's modern world,
money
is a topic of that
many
people
concern. In that situation, It
is claimed
that
money
cannot
buy
happiness, whereas others believe
money
boosts
people
satisfied with demands in their life will
help
them happy. From my point of view,
money
plays a crucial role in bringing happiness to our life.

First of all
, having
money
will
meet
personal necessary demands and
help
them release
stress
. Sufficient
money
eliminates financial distress for parents, which
have to
be
fixed
paid monthly
regularly
as educational fees for their children.
Furthermore
,
fully
-equipped
houses
are possessed
if they have surplus
money
in the bank account, which can eliminate household chores and having more time for themselves
especially
recovering after hours of workload.

In addition
,
money
could be a key to a bright future for hardworking
people
. The reason is that parents can
help
their children pursue their dreams by joining more practical courses or high standards of living or learning facilities or going abroad to study in a high-quality school.
Furthermore
, rich
people
can organize offer various programs for charity such as raising funds for poor
people
or scholarships for children in poverty. Bringing opportunities to others means getting happiness for themselves.

As indicated above,
money
really
plays a crucial role in life.
That is
the reason why
people
always try to work
so
hard
to
make
money
even as much as possible.
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IELTS essay many people claim that money cannot buy happiness, whereas others believe money which can make people satisfied with demands in their life will help them happy.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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