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Many believe that zoo attracts many people. But it makes animals die soon and it is not a good place to visit

Many believe that zoo attracts many people. But it makes animals die soon and it is not a good place to visit 6lJjr
From my perspective, I agree that zoos are miserable places for animals and visitors. The first rationale is that wild captive animals suffer physically and mentally by being enclosed in the zoo. Because zoos deprived animals of freedom, they are prone to hurt others and even commit suicide. Besides, if animals are forced to perform tricks, they are inclined to be more aggressive and excessively anxious. Second, the prevalence of zoos exerts a negative impact on visitors’ awareness. Visitors who buy tickets to experience activities such as feeding animals, they often left rubbish in the cages and watch them as a mean of entertainment Therefore, they cannot understand the humanitarian purpose of zoos in wildlife protection. In conclusion, two serious repercussions above clarify that the presence of zoos has not alleviated captive animals’ suffering but kept them in deplorable conditions. Instead, the government should build programs to educate visitors the significance of animal protection.
From my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that zoos are miserable places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
. The
first
rationale is that wild captive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
suffer
physically
and mentally by
being enclosed
in the zoo.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
zoos deprived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
of freedom, they are prone to hurt others and even commit suicide.
Besides
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are forced
to perform tricks, they
are inclined
to be more aggressive and
excessively
anxious. Second, the prevalence of zoos exerts a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors’
awareness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Visitors
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
tickets to experience activities such as feeding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
rubbish in the cages and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them as a mean of entertainment
Therefore
, they cannot understand the humanitarian purpose of zoos in wildlife protection.
In conclusion
, two serious repercussions above clarify that the presence of zoos has not alleviated captive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
suffering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
them in deplorable conditions.
Instead
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should build programs to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
the significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
protection.
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IELTS essay Many believe that zoo attracts many people. But it makes animals die soon and it is not a good place to visit

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
154 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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