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Many people chooses to work for their own busisness instead of working for someone else. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Many people chooses to work for their own busisness instead of working for someone else. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? r62qo
In today’s world, many more people are looking to start their own business and work for themselves instead of being an employee. This trend has both advantages and disadvantages which will be discussed in this essay. One thing that is most beneficial to entrepreneurs is the freedom that self-employment brings. To many people, being their own boss gives them the room to think and to work more efficiently. Moreover, they would be able to have creative liberty when it comes to their own life and the direction of their company. Another advantageous point is that the financial rewards, were they to succeed, are much greater when compared to working for someone else. For example, Airbnb was a startup in 2007 that went from 200 000$ to a gigantic 25 billion dollars in 2021. If one is willing to take the risk, they could become the next billionaire. However, entrepreneurship is not for everyone due to the great financial risks involved. As not everyone is a risk-taker, they may feel that the idea of putting all the eggs in one basket is a terrible one. They may not be comfortable with having the chance to face bankruptcy and having to sell off their assets. This risk may be lowered if given sufficient funding and competence from the owner. Furthermore, the stress of owning a new company is of no benefit to most people. With the financial risks and the numerous tasks one needs to perform in order to run a company, it is safe to say that there is much stress and mental strain involved in the process. This is not something that many can endure in the long run and many may break before reaching the goal. Despite this, were an individual resilient and patient, they could make it to the end of the road without much trouble. On balance, despite the numerous challenges involved in starting a business, it is still a great way to achieve financial stability. If given enough dedication and funding, I believe that this is a great way to have a good source of income as well as social recognition
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are looking to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business and work for themselves
instead
of being an employee. This trend has both advantages and disadvantages which will
be discussed
in this essay.

One thing
that is
most beneficial to entrepreneurs is the freedom that self-employment brings. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, being their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
boss gives them the room to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and to work more
efficiently
.
Moreover
, they would be able to have creative liberty when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life and the direction of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Another advantageous point is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
rewards, were they to succeed, are much greater when compared to working for someone else.
For example
, Airbnb was a startup in 2007 that went from 200
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$000".
000$
to a gigantic 25 billion dollars in 2021. If one is willing to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
, they could become the
next
billionaire.

However
, entrepreneurship is not for everyone due to the great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
involved. As not everyone is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
-taker, they may feel that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of putting all the eggs in one basket is a terrible one. They may not be
Consider using "comfortable having".
comfortable with having
the chance to face bankruptcy and having to sell off their assets. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
may
be lowered
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
sufficient funding and competence from the owner.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of owning a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is of no benefit to most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
and the numerous tasks one needs to perform in order to run a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, it is safe to say that there is much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and mental strain involved in the process. This is not something that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
can endure in the long run and
Possible agreement error. The noun may seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much may", "a good deal of may".
many may
break
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching the goal. Despite this, were an individual resilient and patient, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the road without much trouble.

On balance, despite the numerous challenges involved in starting a business, it is
still
a great way to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
stability. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
dedication and funding, I believe that this is a great way to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source of income
as well
as social
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
recognition
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IELTS essay Many people chooses to work for their own busisness instead of working for someone else. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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