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MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES SUCH AS FACEBOOK HAVE HAD A HUGE NEGATIVE IMPACT ON BOTH INDIVIDUALS AND SOCIETY? TO WHAT EXTEND DO YOU AGREE?

MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES SUCH AS FACEBOOK HAVE HAD A HUGE NEGATIVE IMPACT ON BOTH INDIVIDUALS AND SOCIETY? MMnoe
A lot of People think that Social media sites for instance Facebook, Instagram have numerous adverse effects on Communities and Individuals around the globe. In my opinion they are right, these sites having ample number of drawbacks which is affecting the credibility of Society. The most effected people affected from these sites are young, they used to spend there a lot of time in browsing internet and using social media sites for having fun with friends, making groups for interactions, making a lot of time-wasting stuff for being popular in their friends. Therefore, they even do not have time to study. Secondly, using electronic devices like laptop, phone etc for hours due to be an active member on social sites badly effect the health of children as well as youth. According to some survey after developing of these sites there is a massive increase recorded in children eyesight weakness and young people suffering from non-routine time of sleeping which is resulting the non-attention behavior in the classes. Finally, these sites have developed to make people together, but it is infecting the culture as well. People do not meet each other in person for years now. Even when they meet mostly, they seemed too busy with their phone. To conclude, I think social media sites effecting community badly specially children and youth. I suggest we should teach them about the pros and cons of these sites and how to use them efficiently and effectively too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
for instance
Facebook, Instagram have numerous adverse effects on Communities and Individuals around the globe. In my opinion they are right, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
having ample number of drawbacks which is affecting the credibility of Society.

The most effected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are young, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time in browsing internet and using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
for having fun with friends, making groups for interactions, making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time-wasting stuff for being popular in their friends.
Therefore
, they even do not have time to study.

Secondly
, using electronic devices like laptop, phone etc for hours due to be an active member on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
badly
effect the health of children
as well
as youth. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
survey after developing of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
there is a massive increase recorded in children eyesight weakness and young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from non-routine time of sleeping which is resulting the non-attention behavior in the classes.

Finally
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have developed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is infecting the culture
as well
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each other in person for years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. Even when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
mostly
, they seemed too busy with their phone.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
effecting community
badly
specially
children and youth. I suggest we should teach them about the pros and cons of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
efficiently
and
effectively
too.
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The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES SUCH AS FACEBOOK HAVE HAD A HUGE NEGATIVE IMPACT ON BOTH INDIVIDUALS AND SOCIETY?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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