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Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree? v. 129 v.24

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 129 v. 24
Never has social media been so popular that it is today. It is observed that being engaged in such kind of online sites have a huge influence not only on individuals who use it, but also on society life equally. I partially agreed with this view, since both humanity and society are suffering from these social networking sites in many ways, although they also immensely benefited mankind in some spheres. Nowadays, people take an interest in mass media and find it intriguing pastime, as it offers benefits to mankind intermittently. For example, people around almost every corner of the world can be aware about all breaking news of the world in a matter of minutes with the help of their cell phones connected with these sites. Moreover, one can obtain any kind of knowledge just sitting at home, since there are a great number of online courses related to the education, cooking and technology. So, social networking sites are beneficial in particular phases. On the other hand, social media might have a negative impact both on individual mentality and financial position which is directly related to society life. For instance, online scams are a popular example of the negative influence of the social sites to person financial position since it is easy to deceive people with a fake advertisement to money required games. There are so many people who suffered disproportionately after playing these games which are recommended from Internet frauds. Thus, the influence of such social networking website can be harmful. In conclusion, even though online sites can cause tremendous harm to the financial position of a person, they also provide advantages to person's awareness about world news. Therefore a balanced view is presented above. I hope that if social media is used properly, they will create a prosperous future for many people.
Never has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. It
is observed
that
being engaged
in such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have a huge influence not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on individuals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on society life
equally
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with this view, since both humanity and society are suffering from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, although they
also
immensely
benefited mankind in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
spheres.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take an interest in mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and find it intriguing pastime, as it offers benefits to mankind
intermittently
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around almost every corner of the world can be aware about all breaking news of the world in a matter of minutes with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their cell phones connected with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
Moreover
, one can obtain any kind of knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sitting at home, since there are a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
courses related to the education, cooking and technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are beneficial
in particular
phases.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
might have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact both on individual mentality and financial position which is
directly
related to society life.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
scams are a popular example of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
to person financial position since it is easy to deceive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a fake advertisement to money required games. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suffered
disproportionately
after playing these games which
are recommended
from Internet frauds.
Thus
, the influence of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking website can be harmful.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
can cause tremendous harm to the financial position of a person, they
also
provide advantages to person's awareness about world news.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
a balanced view
is presented
above. I hope that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
properly
, they will create a prosperous future for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 129 v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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