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Many people believe that modern music can have a negative impact on the young. Others believe the effect of modern music is positive. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

Many people believe that modern music can have a negative impact on the young. Others believe the effect of modern music is positive. Discuss both these views and give your opinion 0Oa9
Nowadays, music has become something indispensable to people's lives because human believe that modern music has a lot of positive effects. However, there are many people reckon that it has some detrimental effects. Both points of view have their own arguments and in my opinion, contemporary music has its benefits and drawbacks that should be considered. According to some research, there are many things to talk about music's advantages. First, music has a positive impact on people's health: It lowers stress and improves health. According to a study, listening to music reduces the levels of the stress hormone, intensifies people's immune systems when they play instruments or sing. Moreover, music heals depressed people, makes them feel better or even get rid of depression. Second, music rises IQ, in kids mostly. A research demonstrates that music lessons create high achievements and increase children's IQ, or compare to a typing group, a singing team which had had a contact with music after 36 weeks had a considerably rise in IQ. From that point, music also grows the creativity in words. There was a study at York University that 90% of children from 4 to 6 years old had a significantly rise in creativity, in the way they talk, use and understand words. However, music, especially modern music, will bring people or more specifically: Teenagers some disadvantages which may affect their behavior. We can not deny that beside many meaningful songs with healing or helpful lyrics, there are also a lot of songs that contains bad words or messages but still become one of the top trending songs, from that, many teenagers will approach the negative music industry, use those harmful information in their lives, it will leave the teenager's manners some damaging effects. Moreover, according to some studies, the maximum volume of the music player that we use can be louder than the average sound intensity played at a rock concert, it is harmful for people, especially teenagers, who usually use earphone or headphone a lot, when listen to this level of noise because it can cause hearing loss. In the conclusion, I want to say that: Music or modern music has its own positive and negative points. If we know what kind of music and how often we should listen to music, we can exploit all of its benefits. The end of the story about advantages and disadvantages of music depends on the way we-the listener choice. Therefore, let's become a judicious listener then we can enjoy all the value that music has brought to our lives.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has become something indispensable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
human believe that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental effects. Both points of view have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
arguments and in my opinion, contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has its benefits and drawbacks that should
be considered
.

According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
research, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to talk about music's advantages.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health: It lowers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
health. According to a study, listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the levels of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
hormone, intensifies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's immune systems when they play instruments or sing.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
heals depressed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel better or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of depression. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
rises IQ, in kids
mostly
.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
demonstrates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
lessons create high achievements and increase children's IQ, or compare to a typing group, a singing team which
Possible typo: you repeated a word
had had
a contact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
after 36 weeks had a
You used an adverb ('considerably') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('rise') instead of another adjective.
considerably rise
in IQ. From that point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
also
grows the creativity in words. There was a study at York University that 90% of children from 4 to 6 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
had a
You used an adverb ('significantly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('rise') instead of another adjective.
significantly rise
in creativity, in the way they talk,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and understand words.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
especially
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, will bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or more
specifically
:
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages which may affect their behavior. We can not deny that beside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
meaningful songs with healing or helpful lyrics, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
songs that contains
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
words or messages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
become one of the top trending songs, from that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
will approach the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industry,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those harmful information in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
's manners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
damaging effects.
Moreover
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
studies, the maximum volume of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
player that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
can be louder than the average sound intensity played at a rock concert, it is harmful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, who
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
earphone or headphone a lot, when listen to this level of noise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can cause hearing loss.

In the conclusion, I want to say that:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
or modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points. If we know what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
we should listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, we can exploit all of its benefits. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the story about advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
depends on the way we-the listener choice.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's become a judicious listener then we can enjoy all the value that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has brought to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that modern music can have a negative impact on the young. Others believe the effect of modern music is positive. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
426 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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