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Many people believe that international sporting events can contribute to world peace while others argue otherwise. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many people believe that international sporting events can contribute to world peace while others argue otherwise. gqB0L
Some are of opinion that most international sporting events make a significant contribution to the pacific of the world while believing that the opposite was true for this idea. From my perspective, I am strongly convinced that international sporting events are an indispensable part of building relationships between countries. On the one hand, there are several reasons why international sporting events are not the factor that contributes to peace. Firstly, the truth is that most players who take part in the matches always have a conflict with their competitors due to the fact that the competition of players. For this reason, players can unfair-play and not respect through behavior or attitudes with their competitors even make them injuries to win and satisfied in a match. Consequently, the competitors cannot enough the condition of health to join in any matches in life. Secondly, if a player performs not as well as in a match, he or she can gain various bad comments and criticism of the audience in-country through social networks or media, and private life. This is not only affected to mental health but also self-confident when represent for their country to take part in crucial matches with other countries in the future. On the others hand, I would argue that international sporting events are good opportunities to get peace between countries. Firstly, in fact, the international sports events are not only a game to help players reach achievements for themselves and their country but also a good way to foster their relationships with other countries from worldwide. This means that they can make more new friends that have similar hobbies and widen their horizon of the competitor in the match, which helps them improve their skills better. Secondly, when participants who come around the world play in a match, they can communicate and obtain their knowledge of culture about others countries, which leads to they can comprehend and respect the participants. In conclusion, I believe that international sporting events are one of the ways to foster and build relationships with countries. This is not a game for players to entertain but also reap the benefits from this game.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are of opinion that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a significant contribution to the pacific of the world while believing that the opposite was true for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. From my perspective, I am
strongly
convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are an indispensable part of building relationships between countries.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are not the factor that contributes to peace.
Firstly
, the truth is that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
always have a conflict with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitors
due to the fact that the competition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
can unfair-play and not respect through behavior or attitudes with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitors
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them injuries to win and satisfied in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitors
cannot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
the condition of health to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
in life.
Secondly
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
performs not
as well
as in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
, he or she can gain various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
comments and criticism of the audience in-country through social networks or media, and private life. This is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to mental health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
self-confident when represent for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the future.

On the others hand, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
peace between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Firstly
, in fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a game to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
reach achievements for themselves and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to foster their relationships with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
from worldwide. This means that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more new friends that have similar hobbies and widen their horizon of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitor
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
better.
Secondly
, when participants who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
around the world play in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
, they can communicate and obtain their knowledge of culture about others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, which leads to they can comprehend and respect the participants.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are one of the ways to foster and build relationships with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This is not a game for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
to entertain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
reap the benefits from this game.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that international sporting events can contribute to world peace while others argue otherwise.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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