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Many People Believe That Advertising Has Negative Effects On Consumers

These days, in order to reach a large number of people, companies advertise their products extensively. Some people think that these advertisements have negative effects on customers. I wholeheartedly agree with this view because adverts mostly show misleading information to create false demand and hire famous people to attract consumers. In fact, some of them are aimed at children who are too young to understand the consequences of using the advertised products. To begin with, most of the time ads compel people to buy unnecessary products. This is because the mere aim of companies is to attract a large number of consumers and inflate their profits. In order to achieve this goal, they come up with an attractive advertisement showing fabricated information which forces people to buy things they do not even need. Another significant concern about TV commercials is that the companies hire well-known celebrities to endorse their products. This misleads people into believing that their favourite stars also use those products and hence they buy them. Additionally, some of the advertisements especially commercials promoting fast food are aimed at children. These products are mostly made of ingredients that can have adverse effects on the health of children. Take for example, advertisement for chips. When children watch an ad of chips on TV, they force their parents to buy them chips. Eating chips, which is full of salt, oil and monosodium glutamate, can make them lazy and obese. Children, who are usually immature, do not understand the consequences of eating such unhealthy food. Thus it is evident that adverts have damaging effects on children. To conclude, I totally agree with the view that adverts are harmful because they mislead consumers with false claims and hire celebrities to endorse their products enhance their sales. Worse still, sometimes ads target little ones who have no clue about how dangerous these items could be for them.
These days, in order to reach
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use “many” or “numerous”
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You should probably use “company”.
companies
advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
extensively
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on customers. I
wholeheartedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
adverts
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
misleading information to create false demand and hire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attract consumers. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
are aimed
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are too young to understand the consequences of using the advertised products.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, most of the time ads compel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the mere aim of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
is to attract
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use “many” or “numerous”
a large number of
consumers and inflate their profits. In order to achieve this goal, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with an attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
showing fabricated information which forces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things they do not even need. Another significant concern about TV commercials is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
hire well-known celebrities to endorse their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This misleads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into believing that their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favourite’ is British English.
favourite
stars
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and
hence
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
them.
Additionally
,
If the text is a generality, ‘of the’ is not necessary.
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
especially
commercials promoting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food
are aimed
at children.

These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
mostly
made of ingredients that can have adverse effects on the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Take
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
for chips. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
an ad of chips on TV, they force their parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
them chips. Eating chips, which is full of salt, oil and
Possible spelling mistake found.
monosodium
glutamate, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them lazy and obese.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
, who are
usually
immature, do not understand the consequences of eating such unhealthy food.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is evident that adverts have damaging effects on children.

To conclude
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that adverts are harmful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they mislead consumers with false claims and hire celebrities to endorse their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
enhance their sales. Worse
still
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
ads target
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones who have no clue about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
these items could be for them.
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IELTS essay Many People Believe That Advertising Has Negative Effects On Consumers

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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