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Many people argue that advertisements are harmful, and they should be banned. Give reasons and your suggestions (government & authorities & policymakers, individuals, parents).

Many people argue that advertisements are harmful, and they should be banned. Give reasons and your suggestions (government & authorities & policymakers, individuals, parents). XojeN
Advertising has become instrumental in this contemporary society, facilitating the delivery of products to consumers. However, the proliferation of advertisements has raised concerns over potential detrimental impacts on young viewers, including many uninitiated children. In my opinion, advertisements have almost always relied on a plethora of ethically questionable tactics to profit, and as such, this issue needs to be addressed by authorities. Firstly, the content of advertisements often distorts the reality of goods in an attempt to elevate sales. In particular (Specifically, Particularly), many companies misrepresent their merchandise (products, goods) by exaggerating other functionality, quality, and general effectiveness, owing to the lack of law recognition. As a result, many young and inexperienced audiences could be misled and purchase a substandard product. One of the most egregious strategies employed by advertisers is targeting children. In yet another effort to maximise revenues, some companies have even designed their promotional materials to appeal to the most vulnerable group: kids. For example, many have accused McDonald’s of using toys to attract children in order to sell its food, which potentially deleteriously impacts our young generation’s health. Therefore, it is evident that governments and parents are playing a pivotal role in remedying the detrimental repercussions of advertising. Specifically, while (whereas) governments should enforce strict policies to prevent corporations from negatively influencing uninitiated minds, parents could pay attention to what their children are watching. To illustrate, psychologists in some developing nations have taken responsibility to assist parents and children in how to filter toxic ads. In conclusion, advertising indeed could egregiously influence young people. Once again, it is the obligation (responsibility) of authorities and parents to eliminate its consequences to protect the young’s wellbeing.
Advertising has become instrumental in this contemporary society, facilitating the delivery of products to consumers.
However
, the proliferation of advertisements has raised concerns over potential detrimental impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
viewers, including
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
uninitiated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion, advertisements have almost always relied on a plethora of
ethically
questionable tactics to profit, and as such, this issue needs to
be addressed
by authorities.

Firstly
, the content of advertisements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
distorts the reality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in an attempt to elevate sales.
In particular
(
Specifically
,
Particularly
),
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
misrepresent their merchandise (products,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
) by exaggerating other functionality, quality, and general effectiveness, owing to the lack of law recognition.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and inexperienced audiences could
be misled
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a substandard product.

One of the most egregious strategies employed by advertisers is targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In
yet
another effort to
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximise' is British English.
maximise
revenues,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have even designed their promotional materials to appeal to the most vulnerable group: kids.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
have accused McDonald’s of using toys to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in order to sell its food, which
potentially
Possible spelling mistake found.
deleteriously
impacts our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation’s health.

Therefore
, it is evident that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are playing a pivotal role in remedying the detrimental repercussions of advertising.
Specifically
, while (whereas)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should enforce strict policies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
corporations from
negatively
influencing uninitiated minds,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could pay attention to what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are watching. To illustrate, psychologists in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
developing nations have taken responsibility to assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in how to filter toxic ads.

In conclusion
, advertising
indeed
could
egregiously
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Once again, it is the obligation (responsibility) of authorities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to eliminate its consequences to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.
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IELTS essay Many people argue that advertisements are harmful, and they should be banned. Give reasons and your suggestions (government & authorities & policymakers, individuals, parents).

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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